I relate completely to what you say There was trauma in my family that was never addressed just shoved under the rug.My mother's first cousin was molested by another male relative at a young age. My paternal aunt abused her 2 children who were adopted. My mother was the codependent trying to rescue. Did not work. My father was very hard on me too. He said to me in 2015 after surviving bacterial meningitis of my brain if I had known this before you would not be here. During my hospitalization for this I was coded. I was septic in.multi organ failure on a vent in a medically induced coma. My first husband- deceased in 2012- was an online porn addiction. My paternal grandfather had epilepsy. I am seizure free 10 + years after what happened to me. It is very hard sometimes to cope. Other people's decisions and behavior change and affect us yet we can be blamed. I have had a lot of therapy. I have an affirmation app with to affirmations about my husband and parents. I wrote their names birth date death date and then live to forgive. I look at it several times a day. My goal was to break the cycle of transgenerational trauma in my family..I still work on that goal daily. My father is still alive but his days are numbered. He was a harsh unhappy man. Our relationship is only by phone or email and it is toxic. I do believe the consequences of his actions caught up to him and he knows it. Same with my brother. I wish I had better news or insights for you. But perhaps my role and yours exceed a this pain.