Prostate cancer surgery: What can I expect & prepare for?

I had a nerve sparing RARP just over a year ago. My PSA was 10 and my Gleason was 4+4. I was 66 yrs old at the time of my diagnosis and surgery. I am 68 now. My options were either the RARP or radiation. Due to my relatively young age, the RARP was the recommended choice and my best choice. The follow up pathology on my prostate showed that the cancer had broken through the prostate capsule so I feel I made the right decision. I was graded Stage 3.
Initially I did not have any physical therapy after my surgery. I have not had severe leakage problems but I have had some...coughing, sneezing, laughing, blowing my nose, bending over, etc. Physical therapy helped me immensely with that. The first few months post-surgery I had no incontinence issues but once all the post surgery swelling recedes, it can be a surprise. It is extremely important to find a physical therapist that specializes in men with prostate issues. I can't stress that enough. There are a lot of PT's that specialize in helping women with incontinence issues post-childbirth, but not that many that specialize in men.
My PT was a female, which was initially uncomfortable but she was phenominal and made me comfortable in short order. If you would have told me I would discuss ED and incontinence comfortably with a woman I would have told you that you were crazy. She was that good.
Prior to my surgery, I did a lot of Kegels which I later learned I was not doing correctly. So prior to surgery I would suggest you make sure you are doing them correctly. Don't overdo them either as that can cause issues as well.
My biggest piece of advice is to come to terms mentally and emotionally with your life post surgery. It will be different, but it doesn't have to be bad. Sometimes the mental part of this ordeal is worse than the actual physical part. If you know someone who has gone through this, talk to them. If not, find someone you can talk to that will understand. Getting a handle on your mental state is extremely important.
I hope this helps.

@anosmic1, as you said, you got great tips from members about using your time leading up to surgery, how to prepare, what to do, and how to manage stress.

I thought you might appreciate a curated list of related discussions as you head into the home stretch.

PPREPARING FOR SURGERY
- Prostatectomy soon: Any suggestions for being prepared https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/prostatectomy/
- Surgeon appointment for Robotic Prostatectomy: Questions to ask https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/surgeon-appointment-for-robotic-prostatectomy/
- Radical Prostatectomy By Robotic Surgery: What can I expect https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/radical-prostatectomy-by-robotic-surgery/

TIPS FOR THE FIRST DAYS OF RECOVERY
- Post Prostatectomy Clothes: What did you wear with a catheter https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/post-prostatectomy-clothes/
- What can I expect after radical prostatectomy surgery? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/what-can-i-expect-after-radical-prostatectomy-surgery/
- What is recommended first few weeks of radical prostatectomy recovery https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/questions-about-what-is-recommended-first-few-weeks-of-rp-recovery/
- Tips wanted for post surgery https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/tips-wanted-for-post-surgery/
- Recovery prostratectomy: What should I expect? How long? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/recovery-prostratectomy/

KEGELS
- Best Kegel App? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/best-kegel-app/
- Kegel Exercises: Am I doing them correctly? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/kegel-exercises-1/
- Do those Kegels! https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/do-those-kegels/
- Alternative to Kegels https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/alternative-to-kegels/
- Are Kegels Worthwhile? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/are-kegels-worthwhile/
- What is the proper number and frequency of kegels? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/proper-numberfrequency-of-kegels/

This is not compulsory reading. 😂 Read as much or as little as you need and want. But it sure demonstrates what a wealth of knowledge and experience the guys (and their care partners) have shared in this forum. Wow. You can use the group search to find an answer to just about anything to expect along this journey.
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/prostate-cancer/?search=Surgery&index=discussions

Hi, just picked this up. So your op is imminent. Practice keel exercises, this will make the transition easier. Also try to look past the op and make sure that you and your support team are as best informed as possible.
My hospital was brilliant at giving me information and contact details. Make full use of them.
I had my op just a month ago, you’ve made your decision, go with the flow and break the op and post op into segments, these were to me, much easier to handle. Also make sure you have something to do to fill your recovery time. Read, tv, puzzles etc
The surgeons, nurses and doctors are all experienced. Trust them. I hope all goes well

Make love to your wife. It may be a while before you can do that again.