I feel close to giving up. While I am a fighter I also realize that 5% is a very slim chance, while also realizing that being 54 with this is not ordinary and maybe it's the younger of this diseases' victims that have the better chance.

I don't know, but since being told that I'm almost entirely deflated now, I am hanging onto my sanity by my fingernails at this point. I've gone through the motions and done the things, all the things that can be done yet in the end it is totally out of my control and seemingly random. I'm definitely spiraling and can only concentrate on my reduced quality of life post-op.

I'm also aware that depression is normal for this. Because I have tried so hard to prepare, I know that 80% of men going through this experience depression. I'm pretty sure that most numbers are currently against me, I'd be a bad Vegas bet.