Opted out of treatments due to age: When do you share with others?

Posted by foxe @foxe, Oct 24 2:18pm

Diagnosed Dec 2023 - advanced (given 6-12 months possible) No symptoms until recently (10-24)! Opted, at 84, to enjoy time left, without chemo, Whipple, and other non-guaranteed outcomes. Oncologist agreed with decision. Other than 'everyone is different', I get no information about what to expect, or prepare for. How does anyone else feel about 'living with cancer'? When do you 'share' your status with others? (Outside of family) I prefer to keep going as long as possible - ironically healthy, except for the p.c.

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marienewland | @mnewland99 | Oct 24 8:57pm

Hi foxe,
Your tumor was found by accident? And it’s slow growing? Everyoe is different due to the type of mutations you have (some are slow and some are aggressive), your age, and your underlying health or susceptibility to allergies of the chemo products. Some are surviving for years at a time in stage 4 just with chemo, and/or chemical trials and/or radiation. I tell people on a need to know basis though with my bald head and lack of eyebrows or eyelashes it’s a dead giveaway (pun intended)! Even so with my appearance, I feel so good sometimes even though I’m on chemo that I myself forget and I just try to do things that bring me joy like taking a class at a community college or just getting our place ready for the holidays. I heave an aggressive version of PC with the ATM gene and never thought I would be planning to cook our Thanksgiving dinner this year, but I am! Kudos to you and however you decide to navigate through this disease!

happyjack | @happyjack | Oct 24 10:33pm

I have stopped treatment and am on palliative care. I feel pretty good and do as much as I can. The things I really enjoy doing. When the time comes, I will switch to hospice care. My hospice care has social workers and spiritual people to speak to me and family members if we want. They also have some training for care takers. I have had a lot of other health issues and have lived with chronic pain for years. So, for me there is a bit of relief that the pain will soon be gone. My doctor increased my pain meds and that has helped. He had refused to do that before my tumor was found. I just go about things the same as I did before. I do not keep it a secret. I do not advertise it either. I do not have hair loss or any other tells for folks to see. I am not just sitting around waiting for this to kill me. I have been working at my work bench and taking my dog to the dog park. I still do my own shopping and laundry and house cleaning. I like to cook and do so for others at times. It is more difficult than before my Whipple surgery. I am "living" as much as I can in the time I have left with cancer.

carrie40 | @carrie40 | Oct 25 8:27am

These are wonderful emails from foxe, marie and always Happyjack, showing the different choices we have--very inspiring, and though I don't know you all, you make me happy for choosing your life style and not regretting it.
To foxe, I'm also 84, and feeling great, but had Whipple, quit chemo, had radiation for a metatasis, all within the past 2 years. I don't mention my cancer if at all possible; I don't define myself that way. If someone asks, I admit to pancreatic cancer but try to avoid discussion (after their shocked and poor you looks). So far so good as I have a normal life. Best wishes--enjoy life--you have taken steps to do that!