No cure, just living with it. I check in once a year or so... And I don't know why because I have given up on a cure. It's been 19 years of this condition.

I just started a new job, after being laid off for 5 months. I dreaded the job search process, afraid of in person interviews. But I got this job with only video interviews. Unfortunately the job isn't fully remote, I go into the office once a week. And all I think about is sooner or later, I'll have a fecal breath moment when I'm around someone on my team. And it happened yesterday after a month on the job.

My manager who works remotely in another state, came into town this week. Aside from one big team meeting, she also scheduled one on one meetings with everyone. I was so anxious about it. With the big team meeting, we were at least in a big room. With the one on one meeting, nightmare scenerio...we met in a tiny windowless room.

It was great for about 15 minutes and then I must have had an intermittent fecal moment because my manager remarked how hot it was and told me to crack open the door. Then, she changed her mind and said leave wide open...

And yeah, I got that dreaded feeling... It has happened again. And the awful thing is that there is the chance that she was hot but living with this shitty condition, you inevitably think no, the real reason is the shit breath.

You spend every minute over analyzing every detail. I should be sleeping and resting for another of work, but I can't sleep because my lizard brain can't let it go.

"reasons" why I don't think it was about the room being hot... 1) she had met with my other teammates all day and kept the door closed. I was the last meeting for her. 2) it's a one on one meeting to talk about my performance which is supposed to be a discreet discussion. Hence why she was holding meetings in a closed door conference room. But after telling me to open the door, she said, oh nothing we are talking about is all that private. Even though a few minutes prior, we talked about my salary. 3) she started off the meeting singing my praises, after the door request, she was much more quiet.

New job and now I have a new group of people to introduce my intermittent fecal breath to 😞