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Help - I am burned out and dealing with someone who is stubborn

Caregivers | Last Active: Nov 25 8:39pm | Replies (54)
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@carrie40

This may sound harsh--but I've been where you are, fighting the everyday issues--and I finally am learning to take it down a thousand with help from a therapist. Your husband is obviously riling you up to make you as miserable as he is; can you ignore some of the complaints? Can you say, "I need to do some shopping or whatever...and leave for a bit? Can you say, "I am getting anxious with all this--for my own sake, I need to ...leave, watch TV, put my earphones (I don't have any either but it's an idea) on, take a nap, call a friend"...anything to change the direction of the situation. Without you, he is toast and he probably realizes that at some level and ... is angry about it, wants to keep you under his control, etc.
Anxiety is contagious; you cannot change him, but you can try to manage your frustrations and yes, sadness at the way things are. Don't try to solve the complaints; it's hopeless. Do something nice for yourself instead...you deserve it. And you will be helping him deal with real issues, not blowing his nose and coughing, when that doesn't work any more..
Sorry about the daughter...that is so sad. Maybe someone else has some positive suggestions; I would be livid if I had that situation, which would be very unhelpful.

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Replies to "This may sound harsh--but I've been where you are, fighting the everyday issues--and I finally am..."
kartwk | @kartwk | Oct 23 12:45pm

Thanks Carrie - the SD is hopeless, but it feels like having a buzzard circling overhead just waiting.

This morning we had a blow out and he is sulking in the other room. At breakfast this morning he started on his usual tangent about his lungs, how congested he is AND how my turning on the small fan last night is the cause! Now, we are running a high grade air purifier in most rooms in the house and can have 2 operating in the bedroom when he claims he has problems. It was hot in the bedroom last night but he doesn't like the window open because of his lungs - claims the dust outside bothers them, and on and on. Hard to sit and enjoy breakfast with someone who insists on honking up phlegm an checking the color.

I am really dealing with my own aches and pains this morning and I just had enough so I let it go and didn't respond. All of a sudden it is I just don't care, his lungs, his lungs. I guess I have just had it. Enough is enough.

Told him to make another Doc. apt. for today (told you we would be back to the doc in 2 weeks or less), but I didn't know what the Doc could do as this goes on and on and on. But to DO SOMETHING!

I need help cleaning house as I have bad legs and standing, walking is dificult as I use a rollator. I can lose my balance easily so I am careful. He won't hear of it because he is concerned about how the cleaner would clean. He claims dust bothers him but my dusting (with microfiber cloth) sets him off (only because he sees it IMHO) and vacuuming - even good grade vacuum with hepa filters don't seem to get the dust up without bothering him.

Actually, in my mind he is CRAZY. Period.

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