1. < Caregivers

Caregiver burnout

Posted by nikieva @nikieva, Sep 16 5:54pm

Well I'm 33. And woke up and realized what caregiver burnout really was and I'm in the middle of it.
How do you find your way back to providing the care before the burnout? I'm unmotivated, over whelmed with guilt, depressed, anxious, loss of hope, numb, no desire to even want to feel happy or joy, loss sense of self, worried, scared of everything, so much more.

It's hard to find anything on burnout recovery and I've been looking for anything that's helpful besides the support groups, professional help, ect. I have myself and kids for in person support. Everything else is over the phone and internet.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers Support Group.

mariancauwel | @mariancauwel | Sep 27 10:05am

I love your complete honesty, it’s not easy .. greatest gift of love you can give even tho at times you feel drain and everything you are experiencing that are so difficult .. my husband died of A.L.S. he was a hero, 2nd husband died kidney disease and 5 months ago my beautiful, full of life daughter was dying of kidney failure until she walked thru Mayos doors and received a pancreas and kidney transplant and has the hope of new life again .. the journeys are long .. you get totally worn out .. but in looking back no matter how hard it’s been, should you loose them it’s the greatest gift of love you can give and you will have no regrets .. you have to renew .. for me it was my faith I couldn’t do it alone, music, walking which I am older now so I have a walker, you cry, you take time for you whatever works for you, that you have to figure out .. don’t be so hard on yourself .. your only human. I wish you strength, finding what renews you .. you have such great courage and often the caregiver doesn’t even realize it .. you’re doing a great job and I will pray for you. God’s many blessings to you and your family.

REPLY
nikieva | @nikieva | Oct 17 10:35am

I have been helping my father with his stage 4 cancer for 2 years now. The doctors are surprised that he is still driving, using only a cane, and working outside with advanced metastatic prostate cancer. They say they have never seen scans like his and are amazed he is alive. Now he my sisters have come in and the will is magically changing with his memory , confusion, and brain fog issues very apparent. Along with moving out of state per his wishes.Expecting me to hand over and hold their hand through everything while also pointing out how it's not enough. It's been just myself no support and no access to help since day 1. I figured it all out alone while managing a divorce, school bullies, counseling services, researching, court, and personal medical issues, along with a child on the spectrum, and another with speech. During all this the previous fights got physical and broke my faith in my support system. My uncle passed away and I was helping him and caregiving for him as well. My friends passed away and moved during this time as well.
I'm so angry, resentful, hurt, sad, regretful, guilty, tired, exhausted, beyond burnt out, jealous, and defeated. I stopped knowing what hope is, I cry when I feel a smile, and breakdown when I laugh. There's so much I want to say, scream, shout and yell, but mostly I just want to be heard, comforted, understood, appreciated, acknowledged, helped. Nothing major but not added stress.

Why is it so hard to understand that I just want them to send a link to a helpful app, support groups, or supplements I pay for out of my pocket, or medical equipment. Even a card to say hey.
I may not be doing anything right. I may not be doing enough. But I know I've sacrificed everything I have for my father and his health. I know I wake up everyday and I give it my best and more, but after 2 years it's not even close to what it used to be. I'm just thankful I can still get up everyday. How can they see what they are doing is not OK? I know they are just doing what they think is best but they haven't been in the trenches.

REPLY
2 replies
Mentor
Becky, Volunteer Mentor | @becsbuddy | Oct 17 8:32pm
In reply to @nikieva "I have been helping my father with his stage 4 cancer for 2 years now. The..." + (show)
@nikieva

I have been helping my father with his stage 4 cancer for 2 years now. The doctors are surprised that he is still driving, using only a cane, and working outside with advanced metastatic prostate cancer. They say they have never seen scans like his and are amazed he is alive. Now he my sisters have come in and the will is magically changing with his memory , confusion, and brain fog issues very apparent. Along with moving out of state per his wishes.Expecting me to hand over and hold their hand through everything while also pointing out how it's not enough. It's been just myself no support and no access to help since day 1. I figured it all out alone while managing a divorce, school bullies, counseling services, researching, court, and personal medical issues, along with a child on the spectrum, and another with speech. During all this the previous fights got physical and broke my faith in my support system. My uncle passed away and I was helping him and caregiving for him as well. My friends passed away and moved during this time as well.
I'm so angry, resentful, hurt, sad, regretful, guilty, tired, exhausted, beyond burnt out, jealous, and defeated. I stopped knowing what hope is, I cry when I feel a smile, and breakdown when I laugh. There's so much I want to say, scream, shout and yell, but mostly I just want to be heard, comforted, understood, appreciated, acknowledged, helped. Nothing major but not added stress.

Why is it so hard to understand that I just want them to send a link to a helpful app, support groups, or supplements I pay for out of my pocket, or medical equipment. Even a card to say hey.
I may not be doing anything right. I may not be doing enough. But I know I've sacrificed everything I have for my father and his health. I know I wake up everyday and I give it my best and more, but after 2 years it's not even close to what it used to be. I'm just thankful I can still get up everyday. How can they see what they are doing is not OK? I know they are just doing what they think is best but they haven't been in the trenches.

Jump to this post

@nikieva I am so sorry this is happening to you. But I am glad that you felt safe enough to rant in this discussion group! I’m sure that many of the other members will respond and wish they had ranted. You did your best and should have no remorse. I’d love to give you a big hug right now but that’s kind of difficult. So, please stay with the group and they will also send hugs

REPLY
Lynne Marie | @lbrockme | Oct 18 7:49am
In reply to @nikieva "I have been helping my father with his stage 4 cancer for 2 years now. The..." + (show)
@nikieva

I have been helping my father with his stage 4 cancer for 2 years now. The doctors are surprised that he is still driving, using only a cane, and working outside with advanced metastatic prostate cancer. They say they have never seen scans like his and are amazed he is alive. Now he my sisters have come in and the will is magically changing with his memory , confusion, and brain fog issues very apparent. Along with moving out of state per his wishes.Expecting me to hand over and hold their hand through everything while also pointing out how it's not enough. It's been just myself no support and no access to help since day 1. I figured it all out alone while managing a divorce, school bullies, counseling services, researching, court, and personal medical issues, along with a child on the spectrum, and another with speech. During all this the previous fights got physical and broke my faith in my support system. My uncle passed away and I was helping him and caregiving for him as well. My friends passed away and moved during this time as well.
I'm so angry, resentful, hurt, sad, regretful, guilty, tired, exhausted, beyond burnt out, jealous, and defeated. I stopped knowing what hope is, I cry when I feel a smile, and breakdown when I laugh. There's so much I want to say, scream, shout and yell, but mostly I just want to be heard, comforted, understood, appreciated, acknowledged, helped. Nothing major but not added stress.

Why is it so hard to understand that I just want them to send a link to a helpful app, support groups, or supplements I pay for out of my pocket, or medical equipment. Even a card to say hey.
I may not be doing anything right. I may not be doing enough. But I know I've sacrificed everything I have for my father and his health. I know I wake up everyday and I give it my best and more, but after 2 years it's not even close to what it used to be. I'm just thankful I can still get up everyday. How can they see what they are doing is not OK? I know they are just doing what they think is best but they haven't been in the trenches.

Jump to this post

I hear your heart and your pain. I am so very sorry you are hurting. I can't imagine what you have been through. I respect how you greet each day and do what is needed. I hope that you get the support you need and thst you find a way to take a few moments for yourself, just even to sit out and soak in the sun, or take a walk, do something you enjoy. Praying today is easier.

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