Happiness for Old Folks

Posted by edsutton @edsutton, Oct 12 10:12am

Lately I’ve been thinking about the value of happiness as we age.
Neuroscientists say that we don’t ever have “objective” thoughts separate from underlying feelings. We often don’t realize how those feelings are shaping our thoughts, and then those thoughts loop back to re-enforce those feelings.
As we age, our bodies may honestly not always feel so good, increasing the likelihood that those underlying feelings may be moving our thoughts in a negative direction.
And things happening around us may also be triggering fears, worries and negative feelings.

But the other side of this is that good feelings can encourage positive thoughts, and a deeper sense that we can handle this life.

So, I’ve been noticing and thinking about happiness.

Happiness is a feeling, a very pleasant feeling.
Do we need a reason to justify feeling happy?
How about the real fact that happiness feels good, and empowers us to do and live better? Happiness helps us enjoy taking care of ourselves.

Here’s a little story:
I was heading out for a walk with Hazel, my wonderful hound.
The air was cool and the sunlight was gentle and warm.
I felt very happy.
Then out of the house came our grumpy neighbors.
I don’t enjoy them and they don’t enjoy me, and their non-response to a friendly hello communicates that.
I felt my happiness fading.
But just in time I caught my mood change and decided to refocus on my happy feelings.
Bingo!
Not only was I happy again about the cool air and warm sun and beautiful dog, I was also happy about my happiness!

So I think this is a skill for old folks (and all folks) to learn.
Can I feel grateful and happy just because I can feel happy?
Can I learn intentional happiness?
How does my body feel happy?
-Relaxed, easy smile
-Shoulders and chest relaxed
-Breathing feels smooth and full
-The ground feels firm and friendly under my feet
-What new feelings can I feel?

So, that’s my theory about happiness.

What do you think?
What stories can you share?
I look forward to some great responses!

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

My mother cautioned me many decades ago to find contentment. She said I should be contented with my circumstances, with my possessions (both the utilitarian and the prized). I considered that advice and found that it made sense, and have been oriented that way ever since.

I tend to favour the philosophy of the Stoics (Zeno of Citium, Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, etc..). Nothing is personal, or it's all personal. Either way, it's gonna happen and you can make of it what you darned well wish to. Endure, overcome, move on, and keep on keepin' on.

Finally, life is like a garden; looked after, with some effort put into it now and then, it will be a source of pleasure and beauty. Left in negligence, you should expect to be unhappy with it if for no other reason than it will always remind you of your negligence one way or another.

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I love your perspective. Hubby has dementia and we were up all night for no good reason. He woke up at noon, grumpy and complaining. My niece is in town for the weekend and coming to visit in a little while. After reading your post, I've decided to feel happy, joyful, and not let hubby's disposition take that from me.

In my younger days I firmly believed that putting a smile on my face actually made me feel happier. I had forgotten that technique but I'm going to practice it again. It's a beautiful day here. Warm, windows open. I'm actually quite blessed.

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Я с Вами полность согласен

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Я с Вами полностью согласен.

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@edsutton - Really appreciate you so beautifully sharing your thoughts on this. I try daily to remember the “happy for no reason” approach to life’s experiences (some days better at it than other days). But I do believe you can learn to cultivate happiness under any circumstance and that while it may not change the situation, it makes life more meaningful in some way. Thanks again for starting a great discussion. I look forward to following this post to see what else is shared.

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What lovely life affirming posts!!! Only 10% of the world's population live beyond 65, so I am grateful every morning to be alive....I remind myself to be grateful for how very lucky I am........I have no control over the things thst happen, but I have full control over the way I look at them, so I choose to be happy

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Just to chime in to this lovely conversation. I have chronic pain from swine flu, surgery, drains, ICU, fifty years ago. So my entire adult life. I've tried every approach known to western and alternative medicine. As a result, with a fair amount of daily self care I can walk, travel, and enjoy my family and my day. I was even able to work full-time when younger. However, I recently noticed that although I'm focused on pain/less pain through the day I actually have real moments--hours even--where I feel...physically happy! I'm now focusing on these moments. As in hey, I feel good sitting in the autumn sun in my yard. Just happy and content. I don't know if it is related, but last week I was able to walk--at a slow pave and on level trail--for an hour at 12,000 feet in the mountains. I only have 1 1/2 lungs, so this is a feat for me. I know many 70 year olds who can hike for hours. I'm always a little jealous, and impressed. But somehow noticing when I feel good has encouraged me. Happiness is its own reward. And thanks!

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@leemoore13

What lovely life affirming posts!!! Only 10% of the world's population live beyond 65, so I am grateful every morning to be alive....I remind myself to be grateful for how very lucky I am........I have no control over the things thst happen, but I have full control over the way I look at them, so I choose to be happy

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@leemoore13 I agree with you. That has been how I try to live my life especially since coming across the following which was written by Charles Swindoll. I am in charge of and in control of my attitude. Therefore, so I choose to be happy.

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company...a church....a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past...we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes.”
― Charles Swindoll

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I suggest you read Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, it is about this topic and it is a game changer. so good. I take it out and re-read it every year. One thing I have learned (and forget and then learn again) is that my happiness is not dependent on external circumstances. And, there is so much I cannot control but I can control how I respond.

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