← Return to Help - I am burned out and dealing with someone who is stubborn

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@babs25

I understand your frustration I'm just wondering if you've ever conveyed these feelings to your husband? Does he know how helpless and scared you are about his condition & not wanting to listen to Drs to help him manage his condition & especially how his words about dying affects you? There are so many things he can do at home to increase his lung capacity & help decrease his muscus. What does he find issues with when Drs want him to do treatments? He's in denial, my mother who I'm a caregiver for is too blaming her condition on everything, but once she went to rehab, which I told her would help her feel better she agreed to go... not really understanding what it entails. She hates her inhalers, her nebulizer treatments & having to blow into the Aerobika several times a day - it was like pulling teeth to get her to do them - it took her awhile to finally see the benefits because she was noticing her breathing & muscus & coughing was better. I don't know your situation so I will speak what I would say to my husband if this was an issue -- I'd ask him, beg him to go to therapy, do the meds & treatments the Dr s are prescribing & if he would make excuses, get angry or refuse -- my final plea would if you can't do it for yourself do it for me. He needs to know his condition not only affects him it also affects you and your future & acknowledge you know he's scared & angry but he's not alone in this fight. Again I don't know your situation but I do know that many men have trouble talking about their feelings & fears which usually results in anger, fear & resentment. I hope you have support from friends & family - being able to have that support will hopefully give you strength to deal with whatever comes along. Take care - know there are others who understand what you're feeling & going through. 💜

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Replies to "I understand your frustration I'm just wondering if you've ever conveyed these feelings to your husband?..."

Oh Babs thank you so much for the ideas.

I am still working on him. I tried the "do it for me" approach and was promptly told that I obviously didn't give a darn about what he was going through.

He now claims he has asthma, but has always been diagnosed with emphysema and COPD.

This afternoon we saw the doc AGAIN. (1 ER visit and 3 doc. visits in 2 weeks). Funny, his whole demeaner and complaint was different. Now things are clearing up, the phlegm is now clear etc. but he still has some problems (I'm doing the slow burn after all he put me through quietly). Must be his allergies/asthma, he says.

Doc. clarified to him he does not have asthma, so a lot of things won't work for him, but emphysema and COPD so that line from H isn't going to work any more.

Doc checks out his lungs and says he only hears a tiny bit of crackling in the lower, left lung, nothing bad, but tells him he needs to continue his inhaler use, gave him another course of pregnoson. I told doc. H didn't always use inhaler as he was supposed to and got the look" from H. Also told him that H was fixated on sucking stuff up from his lungs into a Kleenex and checking it out constantly. Of course, H tried to deny but I know the doc. caught it.

I suggested lung exercises to which doc. agreed, but hubby, well he wasn't going that way at all. Hey, can lead a horse to water.....

We are home, H has got his prescription and is quiet for now. Funny, after hacking and sucking stuff out of his lungs for 2 weeks, including this a.m., all the sudden he is peaceful. I am truly believing it is in his head.

Tomorrow is a new day and he will start all over again. If I was a betting woman I would bet we are either in the ER or back in the docs. office in 2 weeks or sooner.

And away we go again.