I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad and I understand because you have taken a very big step forward and that’s not an easy thing to do. Sometimes it leaves you feeling like you’re between a rock and a hard place, damned if you do or don’t. We are creatures of habit and even when they are bad for us we still tend to go back to them only because they are familiars, making changes in life are always big steps but it helps to keep in mind what and why you wanted to do so. When you leave a bad situation it feels good at first because you accomplished something however it takes time for you to start moving forward and that is when you start looking back at what you left, naturally you start thinking that things weren’t all that bad because we tend to forget about the bad stuff, this is when you start doubting yourself and what you’re trying to accomplish. It would be wonderful if we could walk away from things easily and then start on something new but it doesn’t happen this way. If you’re confident that you’ve tried everything possible to make your relationship work and it still doesn’t work out then you owe it to yourself to keep going forward. I hope that you have some family and friends to talk with, therapy is helpful but it’s not always easy to find depending on where you live or financial circumstances. I would like to add that I have been where you are and even though it feels so hard to keep going, it will get easier with time, one day you will just know that you’re doing something right for yourself and everything else will come together,

redtulip54, take one day at a time. One day. And find things to engage in. Be selfish. What is something you like? Does it involve other people? Church? Where can you go to make friends? You need to believe the truth. And the truth is that instead of looking back (and focusing on the few good days you are glamorizing) you left for a reason. Now focus on going forward with your life. Every day you survive going forward is going to help you see things more clearly, and you can choose something better for yourself. Or run back to misery. You can do this.

I would like to add my 2 cents. Just suggestions. Get psycho education on personality disorders undue influence brain washing manipulation your vulnerabilities. Be willing for your sake if you enter another relationship be it friend or more be willing to walk away . You are worth it. Too many people are toxic lack boundaries havd no filters. I have 2 dogs who are my documented ESAs. Do not be afraid to say no report something or someone that are a danger to themselves or others. Learn about how and why this happened to you but keep in mind it was not your fault. With knowledge comes power and with knowledge comes responsibility. Say no . To anyone or anything. Take your time making decisions. I went through what you have. Domestic violence treatment changed my life for the better. I also had to have spiritual trauma therapy because I joined a high control church looking for friends and social activities. You will heal and recover.

You me and others who have taken this journey are the hope for future. Our thoughts and actions create our destiny.

I had half a mind to come out of my rv with one of my dogs- ,a pitbull my ESA and stun gun and say God gave this dog because medicine pulled me back from death and what are going to do now? I had bacterial meningitis of my brain in 2014. On life support multi organ failure etc and was coded. True story. We deserve better than this.

redtulip54, the heart wants what the heart wants. But it is that same, trusting and loving heart that makes you special. I know you are hurting now, but without folks like you this would be an irredeemable world. You will get through this, and you will recognize those unacceptable traits in others that could take your joy. We are all flawed and when you let someone into your heart you take that chance. But when
you heal, don’t isolate yourself. There are so many people out there who are kind and loving, looking for another kind loving person (just like you!)
You are correct, and introspection, talk therapy, can always help.
Where did I read - good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment.
Look for something to be grateful for today🌺