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Ready to throw in the towel ... never imagined I'd be this sad
Mental Health | Last Active: Oct 19, 2016 | Replies (18)Comment receiving replies
When I read your post, I just had to respond.
I have been retired for the last eight years. I am now 62 years old. Similar to you, I didn't mind being home all day. My husband of 43 years and I did many things together. We were best friends as well as husband and wife. Our friends were originally my husbands friends. He was a few years older than I so we chummed with his age group. Unfortunately my husband passed away in November 2014. He had been diagnosed with terminal pancreatic cancer in December 2013. Prognosis was 2 weeks to 2 months. My husband lived for 11 months. I was his only caregiver for the entire time as his friends had drifted away and he was not comfortable with strangers in the house. My best and only friend (Judy) was also fighting cancer. She was my support throughout my husband's illness and death. I can never express my gratefulness to her for her support.
Nine months after my husband passed, my mother also passed away from cancer. A total shock as she had never been ill a day in her life and suddenly over a three day period she was diagnosed with cancer and passed away. I was a mess. I managed to get by just putting one foot in front of the other. I have 2 sons (44 & 39 yrs. old) but both live a long distance from me. They also have their own lives to live and I didn't want to become a burden so when asked I said everything was okay.
My best friend Judy passed away this past June. Now I am by myself with no friends or family near by. I am depressed and have been seeing a psychiatrist for medications and counsellor to help me work through my feelings and emotions. Days go by when I don't see or talk to anybody.
I have been trying to make new friends since my husband died but it is not an easy task. I have tried joining a couple of groups but have found that most of the participants do not socialise outside the group setting.
What I want to pass on to you is don't put off making new friends or participating in things you like to do, either by yourself or with your husband. Keep your social circle alive. If your husband does pass before you, God forbid, it is a very lonely and sad place to be in. I am speaking from experience and don't know whether I will ever get beyond this loneliness, even though I keep trying to meet new people.
Replies to "When I read your post, I just had to respond. I have been retired for the..."
@Making new friends is so very difficult. It's almost like high school. There are groups in activities I've joined and they won't let you into their little cliques. They may talk and be friendly but go off and make plans without even thinking of asking you to come along. At school, work, in neighborhoods I was always very popular. I'm upbeat and helpful and always have a smile on my face.
So....I've got pets. They love me unconditionally.
Hi Margaret .... I have been writing to one of the Humane Societies the passed few days about a dog I'd like to meet. He, like my Molly, has spent most of his life in a kennel, and is afraid of everything, just like she was. He's a lab/collie mix. I'm going to give them a call today and possibly go meet him. My kitty is sweet, but cats are totally different than dogs. My kids are 100% against my getting another dog ... why? I have no idea. But then .... whose life is it anyhow? I've been here a year now, I think enough time to adjust, and so far it's not working. My X lives only about 45 min. from here (we were married for 40 years) and that doesn't help as I'm always hearing about all the "wonderful" things he's doing, trips he's taking, groups he leads, etc. He has a personality disorder so I know where it comes from, but it's still hard to hear about from my kids.
I didn't get the senior apartment, which is probably for the best. It would have given me a great place to isolate, which is my tendency anyhow.
Think I'll give that animal shelter a call now.
Abby
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Hi Wendy .... thank you so much for sharing part of your life with me ... I feel honored. Yes, except for my 3 kids, who all have lives too, I have no family at all .... I'm the last of the MacPherson line in the U.S. and the ones in Nova Scotia are all gone also. My kids are great, but busy, which is good and right. When I moved from MD to VA I found that there are no Western Orthodox Churches down this way ... closest is 1-1/2 hrs. away. I visited 2 Eastern Ortho., but it's not a fit at all. Church was where my main support system came from before I moved down here. The folks in this particular area stick to themselves ..... they'll say "hi" and chat awhile, but when it comes to being open to an invitation, or visa versa, they stick with their own families. I'm really not used to that at all ... the town I came from in MD was very friendly, very open to new people, and just "real" people. And, similar to you, I have been seeing a therapist for 12 years and a Psychiatrist for the same length of time .... I take several meds. and I'm thankful for them. My X-husband (we were married for 42 years) lives about 45 min. from here, and while we do get along, it doesn't help to hear about how "wonderful" his life is ... from him, at family gatherings. I truly think I made a mistake moving here. It took me 4-5 years to finally decide to do it, but now I think it was a mistake. I still drive back up to MD to see my therapist and Psychiatrist every other week as down here, I am told by many folks that mental health help is sorely lacking. After 12 years, I'm not about to change. I'm home 90% of the time except when I need to go to the store, or visit my girls. Otherwise is pretty much a "waiting til the end." I'm sorry ..... I know that sounds awful, and I apologize; but, it is just the way it is. (It is nothing down here like it was where I spent the last 35 years.) I had to put my dog down 2 months ago, I do have a kitty.
Thank you again Wendy, for sharing part of your life with me. I really am honored.
Blessings, Abby