Understood, but you, the caregiver may be more qualified to determine the help that is needed.

@nikievnikieva ,

I understand. I am much older than you, and take care of my 93 year old father in my home. He is still fairly independent, and refuses anyone from the outside helping (although soon it may be a necessity rather than his choice). Burnout can happen, I think, as a cumulative effect of not just the daily caregiving chores that someone else can help with, but the emotional burden and isolation that happens—involving the responsibility of the role you play. For me, it is the always having to be vigilant for any signs of health changes. Balancing care with sustaining dignity. Coordinating many many many doctors appointments, tests, test results, scans, insurance approvals, etc. Making sure all specialists are aware of results from other doctors lab orders. Asking pertinent questions about everything. Med schedules and balancing those with the rest of life. Watching over finances and paying bills. In your case, I’m sure you have homework and therapies and added schedules to oversee. The list just for me could go on and on, I can’t imagine what it is for you! And no one else in your world can relate because they have not, and might not ever, walk this path. Plus, you have just gone through the betrayal of your partner—that is so hard on so many additional levels! I am so sorry.

I know for me, besides the physical demands of caregiving, the emotional are even heavier. The lack of freedom. When others are doing the things you planned to be able to do, you don’t even get to decide what time you go to bed or get up in the morning. Feeling guilty for even feeling bad about that. The constant feelings of responsibility and not wanting to let anyone down, or miss something important, or forget to do something they need. The stress of doing it all with a smile and light, reassuring tone so they feel cared for and safe. The guilt when I have failed to do something with a smile, or have sounded impatient. All the while trying to do for people who are not infants, people who have a mind and will and opinions of their own to balance and respect. It is a lot and very isolating and exhausting.

For me, I am learning that it’s important to do my best. But I am not God and cannot be and do everything for everyone in my life. I need to trust the One that made me and the ones I love, to minister to me in those moments when I know I am not enough—but in Him I can do more than imagined. I know how hard it is to find a therapist who has time in their schedule, and who you feel comfortable with enough for it to help. I had that, but she retired when Covid hit, and I am still searching. For me, a Christian counselor who incorporates my beliefs and can pray with me is also important. Depending on where you live, there may be resources through a college (students of psychology interning under supervision for training), or Psychology Today online can help you screen for someone in your area who takes your insurance. Some denominations have counseling centers that bill on a sliding scale based on income, as well. I know for me it just helps to have someone I can talk to to let everything out, and not feel guilty that I am divulging my family members private business to someone in “real” life. It helps to keep things in perspective…..

You have been through so much. You sound like such a caring, responsible young woman of integrity and strength. This is a very trying season you are in, with a lot to work through. But life’s seasons change just like the ones in nature. People on this site are very caring and have good suggestions arrived at through many life experiences—that can help.
I pray you can find someone to talk to in person. Even get on their schedule for a future time and call/check for cancellations as you wait. Even getting out for a walk and chatting a bit over nothing heavy, with neighbors can be a respite. Some area libraries have talks and programs for kids up to seniors. Maybe multiple people in your family group could go and find interesting things at the same time to attend there, giving you a break from home routine? I have seen caregiver and grief support virtual group meetings offered on this site—-maybe helpful? The suggestion of talking to your PCP about the things you are experiencing and getting his/her suggestions/options for help (both practical for physical needs of loved ones, and emotional for you) may be something to consider as well.