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National Caregiving Research and Report - 2015

Caregivers | Last Active: Sep 10, 2016 | Replies (6)
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@macbeth

@IndianaScott
Yes, my husband has difficulty following even a half hour sitcom nowadays, let alone a movie or a full game played by our favorite football team - once one of his greatest interests. We don't always like the same music, even though we both like various genres, so I usually try to play my "UP" playlist while he's showering, or on very low volume while I'm in the kitchen, cooking or baking. It's not always easy to enjoy your own entertainment with an open floor plan.

I appreciate your validation about "disappearing friends". Oddly, it's nice to know we're not alone in that. I was beginning to take it too personally and feeling pretty angry about it, but maybe it's just part of the human condition - avoiding the unpleasant. I would like to think I would still be there for my friends if the circumstances were theirs, rather than mine, but who knows. It reminds me of "The Metamorphosis" by Franz Kafka. If you haven't read that, you should, but I'll warn you that it can be depressing.

I like your wife's spunk, attitude, final arrangements, and even her language. I think I would have enjoyed a friendship with her. Also, I love the MLK quote. That is so strong, and so true.

Peace and strength to you, too, and to all of the followers of the caregivers site.

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Replies to "@IndianaScott Yes, my husband has difficulty following even a half hour sitcom nowadays, let alone a..."
Scott, Volunteer Mentor | @IndianaScott | Sep 10, 2016

Good morning @macbeth. I hope you and your husband are doing OK today. I send a weekend hello to all the caregivers here too.

I smiled and got a nice chuckle from your 'open floorplan' comment! While it can be quite lovely for access and viewing lines, it does tend to interfere with any caregiver's 'me' time.

Thank you! I now have "The Metamorphosis" on my 'to read' list. It may have to wait a bit as I don't do any good with sad yet, let alone depressing. Our grandsons asked me to watch the Disney movie 'Up' with them two weeks ago and I was a blubbering old man. Our one grandson (6 years old) kept saying 'It's OK Grandpa. It's only make believe!'

My wife surely did have spunk and in her later times a bit of an enjoyable mouth on her. She got to the point I think when she realized if she had something to say she was going to say it -- and not waste her time worrying about it, weighing it too much, etc. By the way she even picked her own Celebration music. It was interesting to see those in attendance react to hearing music they knew, but most likely did not expect at such an event. Plus as a decorator by training, she asked each person to wear something with their favorite color on it! People were pretty surprised when I answered our door in a purple sport coat 🙂

I will try and not beat the dead horse of disappearing friends, but it is one of the tougher issues for me to come to peace with. I know MK's fight was only her fight and not our friends or family, but she also was one of those friends who, when she was able bodied and able minded, went out of her way to support them in some very trying times, often when others had distanced themselves. Two couples, who we knew for 43 years, back to dating times before we were married, raising our kids together, etc. have yet to even acknowledge my wife's death. Truly a strange component of the human condition. I now keep a box of cheap, blank cards at home so I can be responsive with a note when I think someone could use the contact. Good therapy for me too.

Thanks again!

Peace and strength!

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