Is it gonna be okay?

I pray that God can give you the strength to do your best in school, and READ as much as possible. A good book can take your mind to places that only your imagination can do. God bless you, give you his continence, and keep you safe.

Please look for a support group or a therapist to talk to. You deserve happiness.

I agree with @writer413 , a good therapist to talk about your history and unresolved issues.

Mayo Connect is great source for support and to connect with people who have had similar experiences and find out how they found help and improved their situation.

You deserve love and caring people around you and sometimes that is not easy to find.

When I have ended bad relationships, my self-esteem always took a hit and I ask myself "Why me". I often became overly protective and afraid to trust other people. But a good therapist is safe place to discuss past issues.

A few members have suggested a book called “It Is Not You” by Dr. Ramani. Though I have not read, I plan to see if local library has.

You did not share your age, are you still living at home or are you out on your own?

Actualy i'm 17 and i still live with my parents, i can't move out yet.
Thank you so much for your advices...but i really can't afford a therapy especialy in the country i live in

I tried but sometimes i read some sentences that talks about my situation and it makes me remember everything

Looking for support in my country is like making yourself a joke, people here are so rude the way they start laughing when you tell them you feel sad

amour,
👋 hi, I'm a 65yr old nana, so if I make a mistake in my understanding of what you want, feel free to correct me and then explain what I misunderstood. I found this website:
https://samaritanshope.org/our-services/24-7-helpline/
You said you are in another country, and money is an issue, so I looked for a link that might work for you, being outside the USA, that appears to be FREE👍.
There were several sites for teens. I used the term "warmline", these are generally for everything but suicide. I heard a lot of feelings from you, but not that you are anywhere near suicide. If I am incorrect, use "hotline" in your search. I do hope you can try this method, cheap, anonymous ,easy, and you can end it, immediately, by closing your internet or phone.
Why do you feel that you can't tell your dad?
Is your mom still physically and mentally abusing you? Abuse is a very broad term that is interpreted differently to different people...BUT abuse is abuse and it is WRONG!
tbrksweetyahoocom suggested reading. You said you tried but it was about your situation so it didn't help. My thought is that she may have meant to read a novel about something that you like, and try to get lost in the story. For example, I like mysteries, love, legends real or fiction. So I am reading a novel that is about a woman who had tragically and accidentally shot her mother when she was 5 yrs old, jump forward to her current life as a loving mom and wife with a successful career, then her husband buys her a birthday gift, a house, and then all the mysteries and troubles start.
I always, well 98% of the time buy the books at thrift shops, so they are dirt cheap. 📕📕ShelleyW

anouar, 👋 Shelley again, I wanted to remind you that using a warmline, or using MayoClinic, no one, in your family or country, will know about this, so no teasing or bullying.
Also, I have used both warm and hot lines for myself...you may need to try more than one, to find the right fit for you. Keep us updated, we all are here for needing help of some sort. I know that I can always use a dose of someone's successes. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. ShelleyW

Thanks...thank you so much, the thing is i can't tell my dad because my parents already have some issues and i don't wanna make it worst. Actualy i don't feel like i'm into books, i usuaoy play video games even if my mom yells at me because of it. In general i guess i'll just wait until i leave this country then i'll start a new life somewhere else.

Anouar,
I'm so sorry that you have such a bad situation to live with! That must be very hard for you. However, there is one who thinks you are a very good person and that is God. Just talk to God like he's your best friend, and he is! Tell him all of your troubles and concerns and ask for his help. God will be there for you. He made you and he can help you. You don't need to go to a church or any kind of religious organization to find God. He's right there with you whenever you pray to him. Don't worry with God's help things will get better. I've had many times in my life when things were really bad but when I prayed and asked for God's help, it always came and things got better. So, pray to God and have faith. It will work! I will say a prayer for you also.
God bless you,
PML