Since this group was "Just want to talk" I need to just talk to some one. All my friends are at work and I don't want to worry them. Most do not know about the return of my cancer anyway so hard to explain to them why I am so anxious and nervous. Next week go back to Dr. another PET/CT to see how they are acting. If there has been a lot of growth in the last 8 weeks we go to the next step. It is so hard just waiting it is driving me CRAZY this time, my husband doesn't understand at all ! I get so irritated with him he will say things like "why don't I just do......" whatever it is this time or why don't I have ....done ?
I could scream !!!!!!! I am so tired of "being so strong" "looking so good" (translation= she must not really be that sick) But it is what is expected of me so I just do it. I feel I can't let people down they depend on me, even people I don't know hold me up as some shining example of how to handle it.......how do I let them know I am just falling apart inside? I don't thats' how.
I am not really looking for any advice I just needed to let it out somehow. I just need next week to be here knowing ...one way or the other....is always better.