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Scott, Volunteer Mentor (@IndianaScott)

The Caregivers' Guilt Dumpster - Open for business

Caregivers | Last Active: Oct 3, 2016 | Replies (14)

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Guilt dump! I’ve been frustrated lately since my husband was so down and out and not helping himself. I will do anything for him but for the first time in a while seeing him able, or what seemed like able, to help and he wasn’t. And by help I mean chores such as: hose down patio, empty dishwasher, etc…easy things. So guilt 1: not just letting it go and let him sulk on the couch all day because he certainly deserves to. And also guilt because it was more my stubborness about the principal, not the actual chores. And my worry about his emotional stability also important.

Guilt 2: even though he seemed somewhat ok he wasn’t. All the tumors had grown so big that if this chemo treatment doesn’t work (started today and I’m sitting in the room now)then… I can’t even finish this sentence because it’s too freaking hard to fathom. SO guilt 2: he’s been worse than ever and I’m annoyed that he’s not helping around the house!!!! AHHH!!!! What was I thinking?!?!

Guilt 3: 9 months and 6 days ago we were planning a huge wedding on a boat, with an awesome band, 200+ people, I had purchased my beautiful gown,etc. We cancelled when he was diagnosed with cancer and we got married in our living room with a few friends in March and it was perfect. other than not being able to wear my gorgeous ball gown haha, I’ve never regretted our decision to cancel it nor have I been sad about cancelling it. Well… That big wedding was supposed to be tomorrow. And I feel INCREDIBLY guilty because for some reason I’m thinking about that… and I’m a little disappointed…. And we are in an extremely scary situation now and I’m facing losing him yet I’m thinking about a cancelled party!? What!!?? Guilt. Ugh.

Venting about guilt complete 🙂 Good idea @IndianaScott !!!

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Replies to "Guilt dump! I've been frustrated lately since my husband was so down and out and not..."

@bbams I marvel at your strength and power as you and your husband continue your challenging journey.

There is so much which is uncontrollable in caregiving. Demands by our patients, demands of our lives, the up and downs of life, so your guilt is so very, very understandable as are your feelings of loss.

Other than our patients, I believe no one experiences loss more than caregivers. Even a patient’s doctors and nurses come and go, are in and out, but we caregivers witness the loss each and every day. There is no avoiding it.

Managing loss and grief in caregiving is a challenge all its own and I applaud your strength and courage!

Glad you used the dump 🙂