I was diagnosed bipolar about 35 yrs ago; given zoloft, depakote, and benzodiazapines--taken up to 2mg/day. I was getting the perfect cocktail for stabilizing my mood, reducing my depression, and with the anti-anxiety meds that I used only when necessary, even going four years without taking any at all, I went back to taking benzos while living in Brazil, but came back to the U.S. after being diagnosed with Parkinson's. Since the oxycontin hoopla, the VA (got Parkinson's from either Agent Orange exposure or toxic drinking water while stationed at Camp Lejeune), neither the VA nor anyone else in Calif will prescribe benzos any more. Now, with the effects of Parkinson's Disease thrown into the mix, I can no longer function normally. My therapist told me that at my age, taking benzos--a half to one mg/day would be fine. But I can't find a doctor who will prescribe them. I'm at the point where I don't want anything more except to sleep. I'm sick of humanity and would check out if I didn't have my loving wife by my side. My tremors and balance get much worse when I leave the apartment. I've become pretty much a shut-in. Please reply. I need help. I'm not suicidal, but my quality of life sucks. I'd been a lifelong surfer and made a decent living in the industry--designing and shaping surfboards and setting up one of the first high-performance surfboard making machines which I recently sold on my last visit to Brazil two months ago. I no longer have an identity: former surfer, tennis player, and martial arts aficionado, along with using my background and desire to teach allowed me to do varieties of volunteerism: ESL/EFL, nursing home volunteer, and community garden organizer. But now, even my feelings have shut down.