Life expectancy: Fearing, but preparing if chemo doesn't work

Sorry and prayers for such a difficult situation.,.. I can only relate my experience so with Stage 3b colon cancer with metastasis to lymph nodes, I asked my oncologist, how long would I have lived without treatment....and he said 6 months. However after surgery and CAPOX, one year later, I'm still here.

I’m so very sorry to read about your husband’s cancer diagnosis and his severe reaction to Xeloda 🌹

I’m not sure how openly you and your husband are able to talk between yourselves around his illness and treatment? There are a number of different treatments and if one is not suitable, it doesn’t necessarily mean the others are also not suitable.

Perhaps it may be possible to discuss a plan with your husband before going into seeing the oncologist so you are both on the same page? No doubt he is also fearful that his options are reducing and that time may be running down and he wants to know what you want to know.

Take all the time you need to talk with the oncologist and make sure he explains things so you can understand and ask all the questions you need. You may also discuss eith your oncologist getting a second opinion and where. It’s not rude or disrespectful to do so and very normal.?

Prayers up for strength and healing 🙏🙏🙏🙏

Perhaps you both could agree not to expect the worst and wait to see what other options the oncologist may have. If the oncologist gives options you need to both question him about the side effects and if necessary the hard questions around the benefits of treatments.

My stage 4 appendix cancer on statistics (remember that - they are statistics!) meant I had only a 14% chance of living 2 years. I am coming up to 3 years with no evidence of cancer.

I am sorry to hear of your husbands cancer. My husband was diagnosed with colorectal cancer in May. We are journeying to Mayo clinic for his treatment and they really were aggressive treating two spots on the liver. Your letter prompted me to have a conversation with my husband about whether he felt he was going to die from this cancer. His answer was reassuring and we talked about our faith in God that no matter what, he would be okay. He also said he believed he would live through this cancer, however worried what his life would be like after cancer, fearing that he will get it again. This is his second cancer. Palliative medication means that it does not necessarily cure, but adds longer life. Please start asking your doctors them very difficult and fearful questions so that you can feel better about this. If I was your husband, in his situation, I would certainly for fearing that I am not going to outlive the cancer. I write this with a prayer for you and your husband both, asking for peace and reassurance in Christ. With respects to you, your husband and family. Jeanie M from SD

@tracyjayne66, how did the appointment on Monday? How are you doing?

The monday appointment came and went very quickly, they changed his chemo to oxaliplatin and raltitrexed, this gave him chronic diarrhoea we had to visit our hospital to have him rehydrated as nothing not even water was holding up, he lost so much weight, I finally got on top of it and he has now gained some weight, he has just had his second round of this but at a slightly lowered dose, he still got the diarrhea but not nearly as badly.
His pain from the tumour has been terrible, we have just had an MRI scan to see what is going on and depending on the outcome they may try some radiotherapy to shrink the tumour and hopefully lessen the pain.
The last few days he has lost a little of his appetite and is very sleepy, is this normal or is this a bad sign ?
At our last appointment I told them how I was feeling with not knowing any kind of life expectancy, all I was told is that this is very fast spreading and they advised me to contact his colorectal nurse to speak to her about the future, I haven't done yet as I need to pick a time when I have no disturbances, there is so much more but it would be such a long read for you all, I imagine a lot of you are facing very similar situations and my heart goes out to you all, this is a terrible thing for anybody to go through xx

tAKE THE TIME AS YOU & YOUR HUSBAND HAVE ONLY ONE LIFE yOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AS EVERYBODY ELSE IS RUNNING AROUND THE WORLd sO stop AND CARE OF YoURSELF. aSK QUESTIONS AND IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ASK AGAIN. i HAD ONE TERRIBLE ONOCOLGIST THAT SCOURED ME FOR TAKING 20 MINUTES OF HIS TIME aFTER HE GOT DONE BEING NASTY i SAID NOTHING TO HIS BULLY TECHNIQUE. bULLIES HATE THAT WHEN THEY DO NOT GET A RESPONSE. yES CHEMO IS VERY TUFF I AM ON THE TIAL END AND CANNOT WAIT TO BE DONE IN SEPT. AGAIN ASK QUESTIONS AND MAYBE GO TO A BIG CANCER IN YOUR COUNTRY OR COME TO MAYOS IN ROCJESTER MINNESOTA THERY ARE THE TOPS THEY HAVE HAD PEOPLE THERE FROM OVER 110 COUNTRIES PRESIDENTS, KINGS ETC. SUPER NICE AND ON TOPOF TREATMENTS THEY HAVE A SERVICE THAT WILL ANSWERS & HELP YOU 110% GO for it as cancer does not fool around sorry about the caps folks

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going thru. One thing that helps a lot, each time a fear of the future takes over your thinking, is to remind yourself - it is not happening today. If you stay in this moment, you will feel less fear and enjoy what you have now. All we really have is right now.

@cvestor - I hope you're doing well.

Thankyou, believe me if we had access to enough money to bring him to Minnesota I would !
It's so horrible that money comes in the way of life saving treatment.
My aim this week is to get something done for the main tumour, it is literally just inside his bottom so he is sitting on it, this week it has become unbearable for him, he is taking his max dose of morphine and his other pain meds but they are only providing very short term relief, we are both absolutely shattered as this carries on through the night, even when he gets a little relief and dozes off for a while I remain awake waiting for the the next episode.
We now have another appointment this coming monday to discuss results of MRI scans we had last week, hopefully they can suggest something for the tumour as he really won't cope with too much more of the pain.

I hear you - some locations do not have good cancer care available locally and finding good care may require travel, lodging and expenses.

I was fortunate to live under 50 miles from Mayo in Rochester and 30 miles from Mayo Health System in Red Wing which made treatment options and logistics MUCH easier. All transit was by car and we could stay at home except for the surgery/recovery.

I wish and pray for the best for you both.