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@bflattenor

well I should join this group as well as the cancer group I am already writing to about my rare form of leukemia.!st my mother with her imaginary people all over INSIDE her house. Her shrink told me most people have them on the roof,but she had to invite them in. It was almost comical until she switched them from angels and fairies to devils and gestopos.Next came my sister who was so upset when her son died,she stopped taking her thyroid & diabetes medications.Then she became my problem.The fun part was the mantra she chose to call out all day starting softly and ending with a screen. The word she chose was HELP! This went over big in the care home ;so the evicted her.Next was my husband who had 7 strokes caused by A Fib. He became quite child like except for his saxophone ;which was almost as good as when he was playing professionally.(aka MUSIC & THE BRAIN by Sachs)Five years later he passed on and as a friend told me,I became a member of the unofficial widows club. A year later I acquired a "boyfriend" who is now 90 and has dementia. I hope it's not contagious.LOVE TO YOU ALL,Barbara

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Replies to "well I should join this group as well as the cancer group I am already writing..."

Hello @bflattenor (nice screen name by the way!) nice to e-meet you here on Mayo Connect and the Caregiving community. I am Scott and my wife had brain cancer, which brought with it many dementia-like symptoms and my mother-in-law also had dementia for over 10 years.

You are certainly a well-seasoned caregiver with all the folks you have taken care of! Quite amazing! It is wonderful you have done so much for so many! I, too, am a member of the Widowers Club. Still wishing I wasn't, but such life and what we get handed, right?

Your comment about music was interesting. I know in my MIL's journey after she became uncommunicative she could sing old songs she had learned as a young girl in Italian! It was the only time we would see her smile at that time too. Nice to hear that love of music came through for your husband as well and with a musical instrument yet! Lovely!

I agree with you that the phase of repetitive phrases can be one of the most trying on our patience as caregivers! My wife would call my name in the same way. Softly at first, then gaining in repetition and volume. I cannot imagine how tough it would be if it had been the word 'help' instead!

Was there a certain type of music your husband enjoyed playing most?

Strength, courage, and peace!