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Introductions: Are you caring for someone with dementia?
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Aug 16 2:33pm | Replies (762)Comment receiving replies
This is my first time as a group follower and I am not very sure how does this work. Here it goes. I am caring for my mother. She is 88 years old, lives indepedently in her own apartment, alone. She has mixed dementia: alzheimer and micro vascular problems. She is experiencing the usual: memory loss, both short and long term, and some cognitive impairment. I have get accostumed to hear her stories and questions one time and another. That's ok with me. But I am experiencing a problem with which I have no idea how to deal with. (sorry my english....I am a spanish speaking person). The problem is that she has begun to have problems with the lady that helps her at home one day each week. My mom is accusing her of stealing. Different kind of things. From money to little scissors, peanuts'cans or DVDs. This lady has worked with her for more than 20 years, she knows my mother very well and has huge patience with her and her style of asking for things. But this lady also has had a couple of episodes of money stealing, recognized by this lady and forgiven and forgotten. Though I am pretty sure that most if not all of my mom's accusations are product of her imagination or a consequence of her problems to remember where she left things, it is possible (though very unlikely) that some of them could be truth. This lady works also at my home a couple of days. This issue has become a source of conflict and stress in my relationship with my mother. Though I understand my mother, I can't bear her unjust treatment to this lady (it makes me furious). Also, I can't imagine someone else helping my mother and taking her bossy style with how to do things at home. Not for long. And even if my mother accepted to come to live with me (which she has refused consistenly), I would have the problem at my home, because the same lady works with me. Yesterday night, after one of the episodes over the telephone, I felt so helpless that I even thought of taking my dogs and dissapear and go far away. Another city. Another place. Leave my mom all alone. I felt so overwhelmed that coping with the guilt of abandoning her seemed less troublesome to me than keeping on facing the whole challenge. Today, everything is back to "normal" but I have to find a solution. Any ideas? any suggestions?
Replies to "This is my first time as a group follower and I am not very sure how..."
I am my disabled husband's primary caregiver and, while we have two hours of help from Visiting Angels daily, I'm still on the job 24/7. Due to excessive anesthesia (he had three operations, was in an artificial coma for a month, and hospitalized for 8 months), he has some memory problems. His forgetfulness seems to be increasing, which could be the result of the all the medications he takes. The combination of caregiving and Christmas is exhausting. As willing as I am to do tasks, my body aches, and I'm accomplishing less. Today I took a nap.
Hello @harriethodgson1
I am so sorry to hear of your husband's disability and medical difficulties, both physically and cognitively. You have a very challenging life. That is great that you took a nap!
What else would help you to deal with your daily challenges? Do you have other sources of support that you could call on? Also, what types of activities can you do to take care of yourself (I'm thinking of things like exercise or time away from the house with friends, etc.)?
Teresa
Writing is one of the best ways I take care of myself. I wrote books to help others and write for three websites, including The Caregiver Space. I have a group of supportive friends, although I don't see them often. I have a supportive extended family. I continue to research caregiving and find things that make my life easier. We try to get to Dan Abraham Healthy Living Center once a week. We also attend church and have a supportive church community. Every so often I declare a "Nothing Day" when I focus on taking care of myself.
Hello @mtnview I am Scott and nice to e-meet you here at Connect! I am sorry to hear of your husband's journey with Alzheimer's. Caregiving is a huge challenge and one which has many of its own unique challenges. I was my wife' primary caregiver for over 14 years and as I like to say "it was the only job I ever held where there was no employee manual and no advance training required." It was just jump into the ocean and see how well you might be able to swim to the far shore!
You will find this group to be good listeners and very good at sharing ideas, hints, tricks, and suggestions. Caregiving, at least for me, was tremendously isolating and I found Connect to be a great tool to help break what isolation I could!
Lovely to have you here and feel free to ask any questions you might have! Over all do you feel like you are basically doing OK?
Strength, Courage, and Peace!
Connect
I am the sole caregiver for my husband in late middle stage of Alzheimer's. Such a challenge everyday. Nice to know others are going through this as well.