Hi @annie33, I'd like to be the first to welcome you to Connect. I merged your message to this discussion thread where people are already discussing caring for family members with Alzheimer's. I'd like you to meet @IndianaScott and many others who may be able to share their experiences with you.

Alzheimers takes away from your memories not just short term but long term as well. It also takes away the memories of body function, With that said for these patience when he clings to an item like the chair or apartment and has to leave it they panic becoming fearful of losing someone thing that they feel safe in. There is unfortunately no medicine that can prevent this. The best thing to do for his mental state is to make changes slowly and with your assurances that everything will be alright. As he loses memories he will be clinging onto you for security. So be patient. Stay with this group so you will get the support that you need. You are terrific to be holding on like you are and caring

Hello @annie33. I am Scott and it is nice to make your e-acquaintance here at Connect. I was the primary caregiver for my wife for 14 years (brain cancer with many symptoms of dementia) and a secondary caregiver for my mother-in-law who had dementia.

I am not a doctor, nor am I a trained medical professional of any kind. Rather I am just a caregiver who has spent many years in the front lines of taking daily 24/7 care of a high-demand patient.

My wife exhibited significant anxiety and panic over visits to the doctor and later even when a nurse would come see her. At a very late state she finally confided in me she was worried the doctor or nurse 'was going to give me more bad news'. Once we orchestrated a couple visits with only positive news (not telling lies, rather just no bad news) this finally began to lesson.

That said, I will say my wife suffered from one of the most severe cases of neurobehavioral syndrome her doctors at Mayo had ever seen. It was crushing on her and debilitating to me. Her GP here at home was against using meds, but with the help of her neuro-oncologist we began a course of meds, which over the years with much tuning, fine tuning, changes, etc. started to help her. In the end her daily regimen was for over 3 dozen doses of various meds a day, but it finally gave her some help! Her GP continued to be against any pharmacological approach to my wife's problem, but it was the only way to even touch (in a good way) her panic, anxiety, abulia and perseveration.

I suggest you keep trying to discuss this topic with your husband's doctor.

I send you strength and courage!

Thank you so much. I am glad to have a response.

Hi, It is amazing how Dr's are isn't it. Marcel's dr, didn't start him on any meds either so he decided to sign himself into a dementia ward, he was there three weeks but when he came out he is on some good meds which has helped him so much and thus have helped me too. We have never been around anyone with dementia and sometimes I feel like I am in a little boat in the middle of an ocean and I don't know what to do. His daughter is wonderful and I don't know what I would do without her. Your idea about your wife worrying about what the dr might tell you is a god one. I am going to try to find out if something like that is going on with him. I will let you know. Thank you

I would like to tell you that he will get over it but he wont, so instead I offer my deepest prayers to you both . I believe that if he is not comfortable going out that he should be able to stay in ....If you love to go out then by all means go ...its good for you to take a break , and if any thing causes him to have attacks then you should try to avoid them , as he will be happier that way and you will be less uncomfortable worrying about his attacks ....We cant change how they feel , most of the time , and anxiety is a difficult one to change , and I don't know how bad his Alzheimer's is but being he is in a home I am guessing it isn't well The Dr. probably said no because any med that effects the mind will not help and in some cases hurt them more. I hope this helps you @annie33 Phyllis .. Alzheimer's is I believe a disease that causes anxiety with any change and the person who has it loves and needs structure , so going out is probably making things more difficult for him and for you .Instead maybe you could try taking him just outside and having a picnic or bringing food in and eating there , that way no anxiety and you still get to spend time together . I hope this helps, and I am new here and do not know a ton about this but from what I have read, My BF has bvFTD so it is Dementia but personality Dementia. sort of ...I am still learning myself and you are in the right place for support and also to vent Huggs to you Blessings