What being on antidepressants was like for me!

There is darkness all around me.
I can see the light formed in a sliver high above me.
It is hard to be aware of anything except suffering.
My bones have all been shattered, all but my skull, leaving my brain intact.
I am exquisitely aware of the agony of all my senses.
I know I am dying.
I am losing all desire to continue; death remains elusive.
I know I am in an earthen pit; I do not know how deep.
I have tried to scale the walls with my broken body.
They crumble in my hands.
I can feel the bones of my ancestors underneath me extending in time to hell.
I cannot scream for help. My broken ribs have punctured my lungs.
The dirt begins to fall from the beast shoveling above me.
The pain is my reality.
My higher functions are shutting down, leaving primitive fear that cannot be reasoned with.
Please, please, please, please, please, shovel faster, bury me alive.
The dirt rains down on me, torrential rain in slow motion.
Faster, please.
The reptile at the base of my brain, terrified, continues to fight for life despite my pleas to let me die.
The following shovel lands on my face.
My ruptured lungs struggle to breathe, drawing dirt into my mouth.
I can taste and smell the decay.
Please, God, let me die; please stop the horror.
Silence.
I know I am dying.
I can feel my brain shutting down.
I feel some relief as my senses shut down in my limbs.
I am acutely aware of the death of every neuron.
I form words but cannot understand them, let alone cry out.
Time has slowed to a crawl.
I understand the entirety now.
I am to spend eternity in this hell. God, please help me!
Silence
My mind fractures, and my light fades.
I am not going to die.
I am going to suffer until the universe dies.
Madness claims me.
The light flickers.
Gone.

I should not have survived, but I did.

I know my purpose in life.

Everyone deserves to live in peace and good health, that is my purpose.

My gratitude to Mayo Clinic and to all of you who have carried me these last few years is boundless,

Thank you

David