A question came to mind regarding hope.

You're fortunate to live in such a beautiful part of our country! If your spouse seems to have no "hope," could that be another way of saying they are depressed?
Those are two different things.. I have experienced both separately.
Just something to think about. Interesting comment.

Definitely he is depressed and I don’t really know how to handle someone else’s depression. So I remain hopeful that he will get what he needs.

I was so happy to read your reply. I am 61 but with MS i feel like i'm much older many days. Having said that, three years ago we left south florida when my husband retired and moved to NW Georgia where we bought a farmhouse on acreage and have started a horse rescue...my lifetime dream. Of course I need much help doing this and the days are very long (and this time of year way too hot), but little by little I feel better, stronger and more hopeful:)

Feeling hopeless, or in my case also feeling useless, is detrimental in so many ways. I can go down a rabbit hole fast and find myself staying there if Im not careful, so I do understand. I hope and pray you are able to find reasons to be hopeful and to look forward to each new day.

Notice how people are drawn to reach out to @thisismarilynb!
(This give me hope.)

I think we all know what it is like to feel purposeless, to feel there is no meaning to be found in life. Just emptied and worn out.
We empathize with that feeling, and we want to help the suffering one gain a little bit of balance and momentum. We want to help. We call "Come back!"

Marilyn, we want you to be with us however you can.

Life is often hard and gravity is relentless. It costs energy to live and it takes some kind of emotion to motivate us into motion. (Emotion-motivation-motion, perhaps the same thing in different manifestations.)

Life happens. Our moods and feelings happen. I've been thinking it's a mistake to try to fit it all into a perfect narrative. Situations change. Emotions come and go. Feelings change.
It's not something broken that needs to be fixed, it's the way life is.

There are very painful moments and there are very beautiful moments, and I often don't know what will come next. If I'm open to it, more will come.

I enjoyed reading you reply. Does it give me any hope? I am not sure. Tomorrow evening is going to be difficult for me. On Tuesday, August 20th, it will be the third anniversary of my husband's death. In our tradition, we light a candle the evening before to commemorate this. It will be a sad and lonely evening for me. And I have no idea how I will feel the next day. I still harbor a lot of anger. In spite of the well meaners who tell me it was his time to go, this is not true. He was just stubborn and would not listen when I begged him to use a walker when he had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. He refused and fell - a third time. This time he broke his femur and was dead three months later. In addition I have anger against our health system. People don't go to hospitals anymore. They farm you out to these so-called skilled nursing facilities. What a joke. I had to be in one when I had my hip replacement. They do not know the meanings of skilled and nursing and they certainly do not have the trained staff to administer anything resembling that. I called it a hellhole. But I survived and he didn't.

I hope you are feeling good today. Years ago I took riding lessons, it was one of my “dreams” to own a horse. That never happened and I don’t think I’d be able to ride a horse again ( never say never, I did that about 10 years ago on vacation. Now I’d be afraid of falling off more than riding 😂). You are lucky to have the horses. But I’d never make it in the Georgia heat. Hope you are having a good time with them

I love what you said here--It's not something broken that needs to be fixed, it's the way life is.

I know what you mean about anger! My first husband died when he was 36--that was 30 years ago and I can still get angry feeling he didn't take care of himself. However, rather strangely, when I got a hard-to-treat breast cancer diagnosis two years ago I suddenly felt more forgiveness towards him! I think because I could relate more in terms of overwhelm and fear and pain. I'd never tell anyone to stay mad--or to get over it. I find these feelings just come and go like weather. I will add that in the main my memories of him are happy--and I continue to share them with our daughter. May your husband's memory be a blessing.

I'm glad for these people who have Hope. Guess I will try it💞

You know, sadly, things are set up for seniors to feel hopeless. I've been disabled since I was 24. You dont get to save money on disability fpr retirement. And I got just over too much for medicaid. Don't get me wrong. I have medigap. Expensive and a privilege to able to afford it. And always grateful. I can see the flaws and feel gratitude at the same time. 🙌🏻

So, at 69, joints needing replaced and CRPS spreads, and only medicare, I can only get home help if I pay $40+ an hour. People in charge don't think about us being on the same sheets for 6 months. No vacuuming, washing kitchen floor, moving laundry from the washer to the dryer. Council on aging told me they would only come to bathe me. Does congress realize they are telling seniors they have to be willing to get naked in front of any stranger, male or female, alone in your home, within 5 minutes of thrm walking in the door. Do seniors get to have no pride. No safety. I asked "so as lkng as I'm clean, you don't care if I've esten. His response was a sharp "thats correct." (Turns out locally they lost the grant for mismanagement. People died because of them refusing help.

But they want us to feel hopeful? I've decided "age in place" means ask your daughter. I don't have children (I DO have a cat lol!)

Anyway, I have faith in my own resilience. My own strength. Faith is inside. Nobody can steal that from us. For me, hope reaches outward and depends alot on others. Its harder as we age and oir retirement goes less and less far as the minimum wage increases. We don't increase except to barely cover medicare, part D, medigap yearly increases. Raiding the minimum wage is important but it leaves seniors and disabled further in the dust.
Rant over. I don't hear people talking about us tho. I hear "middle class" a lot. The disabled and too many seniors are far from middle class.

Ok. Thanks for the opportunity to digress - tho it is about how hard it is to maintain hope in todays world.

Do get me wrong, I'm very grateful for SSA. Without it, I and many would be homeless. Or living in a hospital bed preventing others from getting surgery right. No long term thinking.