Please know that you aren’t alone. We all feel that pain that you are experiencing. I have found great comfort in reading the book “It’s Not You” by Dr. Ramani. My therapist highly recommended that book. You also can find her podcast on the internet. If you can find others that can support you that would be great. Anyone that understands. We do in this group. I am in with you all the way. Please read all comments on this thread. There may be something that will help.
Thank you very much, I will buy the book. I feel so alone as he conditioned people around to think I am the problem, though he was the one who cheated and had an emotional affair too.
Narcissist will do this. Try to isolate you. They will not admit or even know that they are the problem. You need to educate yourself with all the information you can get. Dr. Ramani and Dr. Les Carter are 2 great people on this topic. You can find them both on social media and follow them. Just know “That It Isn’t You”. Knowing that was a great relief for me!!! For $25/mth Dr. Ramani has an online class with podcasts, live zoom, meditation, journaling questions and a support group. I found this to be of great help to me.
Thank you very much, I will buy the book. I feel so alone as he conditioned people around to think I am the problem, though he was the one who cheated and had an emotional affair too.
I have also posted 35 boundaries you can read through on this thread. Those have been a life saver for me. I hope that you can locate those and read through them.
Reddit has a large narc spouse membership of over 27,000 people (there are a lot of us). If you're a Redditor already, it's at r/NarcissisticSpouses. If not, the address is https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticSpouses/. You'll need to join, it's free. We're not alone. It's a great place to completely air out your situation and find that many people across the globe understand and support you.
I am in therapy now. Reading the book: “It Is Not You” by Dr. Ramani. A must read for all involved in this behavior
Just would like to have a support group that could help us all grow and gain knowledge to be stronger with each other by our sides
Dr. Ramani had a You Tube series, a couple years ago! Her advice and help guided me through what steps I could take, regarding a super narcissistic person, in my family, who was taking advantage of my empathy and kindhess, by manipulating me. I had already been in therapy fot a number of years, dealing with major depression, because growing up, I had a malignant narcissistic Mom. and a Dad who had PTSD, from WW II, when he was in the military, landed on Okinawa, Japan, in a U boat, and killed the enemy, in battle! So, as a child, I was. abused physically and mentally, as a child! Having a support group, for narcissistic personality survivors, within this Mayo forum, would be a needed help, for many people!
Dr. Ramani had a You Tube series, a couple years ago! Her advice and help guided me through what steps I could take, regarding a super narcissistic person, in my family, who was taking advantage of my empathy and kindhess, by manipulating me. I had already been in therapy fot a number of years, dealing with major depression, because growing up, I had a malignant narcissistic Mom. and a Dad who had PTSD, from WW II, when he was in the military, landed on Okinawa, Japan, in a U boat, and killed the enemy, in battle! So, as a child, I was. abused physically and mentally, as a child! Having a support group, for narcissistic personality survivors, within this Mayo forum, would be a needed help, for many people!
Sorry to hear of your pain growing up with those around you and then later in your life. I’m happy that Dr. Ramani was able to help through her You Tube videos. She still has many out there to view. Maybe you could shed some light to all others as to what helps you on your path of recovery. I am somewhat new to all of this and I know that setting up healthy boundaries made a huge difference. Thanks for posting your experience.
Dr. Ramani's Youtubes helped me with recognizing Narcissistic Abuse being inflicted upon me for decades.
I know in current culture the term is thrown out a bit too casually. I have come to learn that Narcissism is a disorder on the "spectrum" so to speak. The exremely abusive ones are on that exteme end, checking off many boxes of toxic , destructive relationship behaviors that often get them due to their aggressive intimidating manner, what they want. I have been in therapy for the trauma and to
try to protect myself and how to process the inappropriate treatment. behaviors.
One way I am learning is to somehow not engage with the toxic dialogue , entitlement and "requests" by the offenders that have their "routine" down . It takes restraint, because by nature "the empathetic" person naturally does not have the skill set to "shut down, ignore, assert, and or say NO." It's a struggle to protect yourself, because you fear the retaliation in doing that. It essentially means retraining your mind, with how you are going to react and it takes a LOT of mindfulness & practice.
Another point is to not "think" any thing you say to them; to point out problems, reasoninig in order to seek change is going to work. They are not good listeners and have their "broken record" replaying for the most part. I would keep trying sometimes to angle and point out very rational solutions or ideas and they were ignored, dismissed or just met with a hmm maybe or lip service agreement and no action. So the visual I keep in my head is : "A worm is always going to act just like a worm" You can not assign it "new DNA" or train it. So keep that in mind, and save your energy and peace of mind! I hope these ideas help some.
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Thank you very much, I will buy the book. I feel so alone as he conditioned people around to think I am the problem, though he was the one who cheated and had an emotional affair too.
Narcissist will do this. Try to isolate you. They will not admit or even know that they are the problem. You need to educate yourself with all the information you can get. Dr. Ramani and Dr. Les Carter are 2 great people on this topic. You can find them both on social media and follow them. Just know “That It Isn’t You”. Knowing that was a great relief for me!!! For $25/mth Dr. Ramani has an online class with podcasts, live zoom, meditation, journaling questions and a support group. I found this to be of great help to me.
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Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsI have also posted 35 boundaries you can read through on this thread. Those have been a life saver for me. I hope that you can locate those and read through them.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 ReactionReddit has a large narc spouse membership of over 27,000 people (there are a lot of us). If you're a Redditor already, it's at r/NarcissisticSpouses. If not, the address is https://www.reddit.com/r/NarcissisticSpouses/. You'll need to join, it's free. We're not alone. It's a great place to completely air out your situation and find that many people across the globe understand and support you.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsDr. Ramani had a You Tube series, a couple years ago! Her advice and help guided me through what steps I could take, regarding a super narcissistic person, in my family, who was taking advantage of my empathy and kindhess, by manipulating me. I had already been in therapy fot a number of years, dealing with major depression, because growing up, I had a malignant narcissistic Mom. and a Dad who had PTSD, from WW II, when he was in the military, landed on Okinawa, Japan, in a U boat, and killed the enemy, in battle! So, as a child, I was. abused physically and mentally, as a child! Having a support group, for narcissistic personality survivors, within this Mayo forum, would be a needed help, for many people!
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsSorry to hear of your pain growing up with those around you and then later in your life. I’m happy that Dr. Ramani was able to help through her You Tube videos. She still has many out there to view. Maybe you could shed some light to all others as to what helps you on your path of recovery. I am somewhat new to all of this and I know that setting up healthy boundaries made a huge difference. Thanks for posting your experience.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 ReactionDr. Ramani's Youtubes helped me with recognizing Narcissistic Abuse being inflicted upon me for decades.
I know in current culture the term is thrown out a bit too casually. I have come to learn that Narcissism is a disorder on the "spectrum" so to speak. The exremely abusive ones are on that exteme end, checking off many boxes of toxic , destructive relationship behaviors that often get them due to their aggressive intimidating manner, what they want. I have been in therapy for the trauma and to
try to protect myself and how to process the inappropriate treatment. behaviors.
One way I am learning is to somehow not engage with the toxic dialogue , entitlement and "requests" by the offenders that have their "routine" down . It takes restraint, because by nature "the empathetic" person naturally does not have the skill set to "shut down, ignore, assert, and or say NO." It's a struggle to protect yourself, because you fear the retaliation in doing that. It essentially means retraining your mind, with how you are going to react and it takes a LOT of mindfulness & practice.
Another point is to not "think" any thing you say to them; to point out problems, reasoninig in order to seek change is going to work. They are not good listeners and have their "broken record" replaying for the most part. I would keep trying sometimes to angle and point out very rational solutions or ideas and they were ignored, dismissed or just met with a hmm maybe or lip service agreement and no action. So the visual I keep in my head is : "A worm is always going to act just like a worm" You can not assign it "new DNA" or train it. So keep that in mind, and save your energy and peace of mind! I hope these ideas help some.