I agree with Harriet. I have been caregiver for my husband of 65 years for the past 5 years?? who has Alzheimer's Disease with vascular dementia. While he was still mobile and able to leave our home, I took him along and tried to keep up with taking him to events and occasions he had previously attended. As it became harder to transport him, I kept up my commitments to the organizations I had always been an active part of. I told them I could not attend their meetings and events, but I could do things from he home for them, so took over the newsletters for three groups, and I continue to edit those for two of them. They are quarterly so don't take a great deal of time.

I had regular contact with my church and the women's group there, as well as attending monthly lunch with two groups of people who were employed at the school with me and the genealogy group that had disbanded a year ago. About 7 of us who had become good friends, felt we wanted to keep in touch so chose a monthly lunch. We attend if we are able and since most of them can still travel, they come when they are available.

My advice to all caregivers is to not isolate yourself but keep in touch with friends, family, church, etc. Many people will say at times like this "What can I do to help you?" When you need help, call them. They don't know what you need unless you ask, I have taken advantage of this several times and they are always gracious and ready to help again when I ask.

My husband who is now 89 has been in a care center about 45 miles from our home for almost 3 years, i visit every other day if weather permits. Since we live in Iowa, winter is always iffy, but I watch the news and if schools are called off, I don't go. He knows us but is unable to do anything but feed himself. About a year ago he was transferred from the Memory Unit to the skilled nursing area since he was unable to walk at all and needed more care. This has worked well and when we had an opportunity to move him to a facility closer to home, I chose to leave him where he was as the care is so good, staff is very stable, some having been there 30 years, and change was so difficult when he went there.

I will continue to remain in our home with our rat terrier, Suzie, while I can still drive. I am 84 so it it always a question of how long, but I fell well and have a daughter and son living close. I'm how able to attend meetings of the organizations and church on a regular basis, so that keeps me occupied and with friends.

Just take one day at a time, and don't regret what has happened. We can only help with the future and do nothing about the past. The pastoral visitor came one afternoon this past week, and as I was reminiscing about past years and events that I had encountered, she remarked, "You have had so many tragic events and still seem so cheerful." I replied that I had just read a statement that fit me. "It is said that "God only gives you what you can handle, but I wish he didn't have so much faith in me." Fits my life to a T. So each morning I spend time with devotions and prayer and then go on with what the day brings.
Ruth