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Meet fellow Caregivers - Introduce yourself

Caregivers | Last Active: Nov 12, 2023 | Replies (707)
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@IndianaScott

Hi @coloradogirl It is good to have you here with the caregivers group! I read your post as well as your other post and it sure seems like you have your caregiving plate filled to overflowing. It is easy to get overwhelmed with caregiving as you know! I bet you are thankful for your Stephen Ministry training!

While each patient and situation is different, I know from my experiences with my MIL (dementia) and my wife (brain cancer with many dementia-like symptoms), it was always very hard to keep telling myself and believing 'it's the disease talking not the person'.

Also, my wife's neuro doctor told us, very early on in her disease progression, that a person with a brain illness often has their personality and personality quirks magnified a hundred fold. He also said rarely does their personality change, but what they were like before is a beast with brain diseases. It was very true with my wife!

It was interesting to me to read about how your MIL interacts with your FIL. When my dad was dying from congestive heart failure my mom all of a sudden began to constantly nag him to not rest, do more, sleep less, keep going, etc. Her doctor told us it was her way of coping with her fear of losing my dad.

What do you see as your biggest caregiving challenge right now?

Strength, courage, and peace

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Replies to "Hi @coloradogirl It is good to have you here with the caregivers group! I read your..."
chesneydell1965 | @chesneydell1965 | Sep 26, 2019

I feel so much better hearing that someone else spouse has become kind of mean with sarcoid going to the brain . i get my feeling hurt alot.
thanks for sharing

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coloradogirl | @coloradogirl | Sep 27, 2019

@IndianaScott , what a thoughtful question! I saw this last night and spent some time thinking about it because it really helped me clarify the situation. I think we have three big challenges at the moment:

1) Staying positive while living with someone who is very negative. My mother-in-law has always been a negative person but she's also not handling the aging process well, and the constant complaining takes a toll.

2) Controlling our reactions when they do things that don't make sense and damage our home or cause safety concerns. This has been a frequent problem since they moved in, such as storing flammable foodstuffs on the stove.

3) Related to the first item, managing her expectations about independence, driving, needing help, etc. She has always been a very independent person (which I can respect, being one myself). However, she refuses help and continues to insist that she should be allowed to drive, go places by herself, etc., when her heath care team (OT, PT, etc.) is very clear that she cannot do this safely and probably never will again. When she doesn't get her way, she will shout, throw things and generally be difficult to manage. I think we're in a transition stage about this, where eventually (hopefully) she will accept that she can no longer do those things but right now it's like living with a teenager railing against authority, except that she also has issues with disinhibition and anger management thanks to the brain issues.

Thanks again for asking such a thoughtful question.

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