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Meet fellow Caregivers - Introduce yourself
Caregivers | Last Active: Nov 12, 2023 | Replies (707)Comment receiving replies
Hi my name is Jeannie and I am a care giver of my 50 yr old bf I am 57 and I have taken care of my mom who had Alzheimer’s for 19 years she has passed and my dad who had bladder cancer diabetes and dementia so I’m used to it somewhat but this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done . My bf is an alcoholic has hepatic Encephalopathy and pancreatic issues and cirrhosis and the worst is he’s had well over a hundred brain injuries as he was a jockey he’s also got only one eye two fake hips broke his neck back shoulder collar bone and has pins in his leg. When we met he was a gentle soul funny and lively he drank himself into this mess and I don’t know how long he has but my concerns are that he gets very violent and yells and has no concept of what he’s saying or even doing sometimes his mom has been diagnosed with stage four cancer not looking good and he’s close to his mom and he can not handle any type of stress or a problem .his dr has given him lactulose to take but that’s all he’s got crappy insurance and he won’t stop drinking so they don’t want to help him and I’m worried he’s going to get way worse as he’s Been in the last two to three years . He’s very stubborn and nasty I can not make him do anything he doesn’t want to he still drives but gets lost sometimes but not for long as I remember my mom doing this but it’s hard watching him kill himself he’s quite mean but I know it’s the disease but my question is what dr do I go to and what do I ask for and that’s if he will go I’m really dealing with a volcano type personality and he just got disability this month I’ve been paying for everything and I’m broke and I am worried that well he gets depressed a lot he can’t take depressants he gets real nuts he’s tried a lot and it’s scary these drs don’t seem to be to concerned as they know I’m a very responsible person but I need help I don’t know where to turn or what to do because some days he’s ok and it’s always those days we go to the doctors and they think. I’m exaggerating and I’m not . I do love him and don’t want to see him die but it’s looking as if it’s inevitable as he won’t stop drinking and he’s on pain pills for all his pain too. Any suggestions?
Replies to "Hi my name is Jeannie and I am a care giver of my 50 yr old..."
I so wish I could offer you more/better advice here. It sounds like a very difficult situation. My heart goes out to you. You are a good friend and a hero to so many. Perhaps you can get a referral to a social worker associated with the doctor's practice. They can help you navigate options for support services, possibly recommend mental health services for your friend, etc. Finally, you can only do what you can do with someone who will not stop drinking. Hugs to you........
Hello @godlygal I am glad you have found Mayo Connect and this discussion group. I am Scott and I grew up in an alcoholic family so I can relate at least a bit with your dilemma.
My first thought, after reading your post, was you are in an incredibly volatile situation, which beyond anyone's ability to control. The combination of someone who is an alcoholic and taking pain meds is a dangerous one. Dangerous for him, you, and those around him. I, as @colleenyoung suggested, recommend you contact the Domestic Violence Hotline website and provide all the information you have accumulated to his GP, who if they don't know already, need to know of the many issues in play here.
Unfortunately those living in a lifestyle of alcohol/drug abuse cannot act rationally or in what we think of as a 'normal' manner.
I wish you the best and hope you can find the professional, medical help needed in this scary situation.
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@godlygal, I know that I wrote this to you in another discussion, but I think it bears repeating. Remember your own safety first. You may not be able to calm or control your boyfriend's rage and behaviors. I encourage you to explore the National Domestic Violence Hotline website http://www.thehotline.org/ On this website you will find a phone number to call 1-800-799-7233 or you can use the online chat and get help without saying a word.
By calling the Hotline, you can work with professionals to find safety and solution that is right for you.
It is obvious that you are a caring person and that you put others first, so asking for help must be difficult. Many of us hear in the caregivers group understand that. But you are in a very difficult position of trying to help someone who doesn't want help. @angiede2001 wrote about her husband refusing dialysis. You may wish to read this discussion to see the advice she received from members:
- Husband refusing dialysis https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/husband-refusing-dialysis/
GodlyGal, I think that you should start by talking to your Primary Care Physician and if possible his PCP. They may suggest a good starting point in your community. Do you have people supporting you as you care for your boyfriend?