I am struggling on dealing with the suicide of my daughter. She was 39 and passed away 1 1/2 years ago. She left 6 small children and husband who caused/ignored all the signs and didn’t seek help. He knew she suffered from bipolar disorder and all but encouraged her to end her life. I’m trying to cope but I feel like I’m fighting an up-hill battle. Trying to cope with her loss and having to deal with her abusive husband who is the father of my grandkids.
Welcome @janlgau. That is a lot of pain to hold. I can imagine that it feel like an up-hill battle. Some days must feel like pushing a boulder up a hill - coping with your loss and wanting to be a contributing grandparent to the grandkids.
Do you live close to them? Does seeing them help cope with the loss of your daughter?
Hi,
Does anyone know of a face-to-face or in-person Survivors of Suicide support group in the Rochester, MN, area? The only ones I can find on The Alliance of Hope are online. I lost my father to suicide a few years ago. Thanks
Hi Jon, So sorry for your loss. I hope you find a support group. While I’m not from MN, this is a great place support, but I know the importance of in person support. My prayers & thoughts are for you & your family.
Hi,
Does anyone know of a face-to-face or in-person Survivors of Suicide support group in the Rochester, MN, area? The only ones I can find on The Alliance of Hope are online. I lost my father to suicide a few years ago. Thanks
Thanks! The only f2f is in Red Wing. All others are online. I'm in Rochester, MN, so Red Wing is far. It's too bad, but since COVID, so many things have gone online.
Thanks! The only f2f is in Red Wing. All others are online. I'm in Rochester, MN, so Red Wing is far. It's too bad, but since COVID, so many things have gone online.
@tckexpat You're right, so many meetings have gone online. While I was at first really upset to see that, I believe having an expanded audience has really helped all of us in getting a more rounded and healthy support system.
It's hard to see body language and environment when we are not face-to-face. Using Zoom or other online meeting platforms can be intimidating. For me personally, I am now able to meet up with like-minded people from all over the country in my different support groups. It has helped me a lot.
I hope you will find something that you can work with. Will you let me know?
Ginger
I did all of the suggestions recommended by Survivors of suicide/alliance of hope organization. It was and still is vital to continue grief counseling and it is especially important to share with others who are survivors. The first thing I will say is that GUILT is what I deal with most. Because I'm his mother. I should have been able to stop him
I’m so, so sorry for your lose. Only you know how it affected you. One thing I can say is no matter how we try no matter what we say we never truly know what’s in someone else’s head. We can ask a hundred questions but if THEY don’t want to share we can’t help them. All we can do is let them know that we’re available if needed there will be no judgement we will help them but most of all no matter what they are really, truest loved and that you care.
I have had three people in my life commit suicide. My best friend and two cousins. I don't understand why my best friend did it, however, I think about her personality and she was such a gentle person, not forgoing, domineering type and the area in which she was studying was going to require that type of person to do anything but work for someone else. That would not be what her family would have expected. So Jean may have felt overwhelmed and not known where to look for answers - I just had a baby so I had just left the workplace for a few years. It has been 43 years. I love Jean and never will stop, if grieving is remembering, then after 43 years I am still grieving; because she is gone, not that she killed herself - I was not part of that. Perhaps -No- do this-, just remember the great things, you can not change things. If in the months or years ahead, you think of something you would have done differently use that in a new situation and smile and know you have used her pain to help someone else. My cousins, they were dying and did not want a long prolonged illness so they unbeknownst to others beforehand chose to shorten their lives. Everyone in the family has their own viewpoints mine is simply that they were feeling the pain we weren't. That is the real center of suicides- Pain.
Pain can only be felt by the one experiencing it. So to feel guilty or angry you should not. Depending on where you are right now on the emotional level try to take their death and bring it to life through the good memories because the past is in the past and anything bad back there can only help if you figure out what can be good about it - listening is always helpful.
I can see this post is pretty old but I've had to deal with many losses in my family, including two suicides. Suicide is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life... In 2003, my 19 year old nephew committed suicide. He used a gun under his chin. His mother drown when he was 7 and his brother was 6. My brother sent them to live with their grandmother because he felt they needed a female. They eventually came back tolive with my brother when they were teens. I believe my nephews should have been in counseling etc. He had a lot issues growing up and although his death hurt me very much I was not surprised. In 2018, my younger brother hung himself. His death was such a shock, I never saw it coming. It is the worst. No note, nothing was left behind to help us understand. In between 2003-2018, one sister passed away from Amyloidosis in 2005, one sister passed from complications of MS in 2008, my mom died suddenly in 2012, my father passed in 2021, and one brother passed from small cell lung cancer in 2022. I was just recently diagnosed with AMD, not showing symptoms, but I am petrified even though I've had people on here tell me that treatment will help me retain my vision and to live a normal life, I am still afraid of the future. I felt I died on June 18, 2024 when they told me I have it. Doctors don't explain things they kinda send you our into the world to find your own answers.
My family was once eight kids and two parents... Now I only have one sister and two brothers left. It's very sad. I feel very sad, depressed, and scared. I know my post isn't only about suicide and I apologize for that. My heart still aches from losing two family members to suicide but I've learned to come to terms with it. Eventually, that's all we can do.
I can see this post is pretty old but I've had to deal many losses in my family including two suicides. Suicide is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life... In 2003, my 19 year old nephew committed suicide. He used a gun under his chin. His mother drown when he was 7 and his brother was 6. My brother sent them to live with their grandmother because he felt they needed a female. They eventually came back to my live with my brother when they were teens. I believe my nephews should have been in counseling etc. He had a lot issues growing up and although his death hurt me very much I was not surprised. In 2018 my younger brother hung himself. His death was such a shock, I never saw it coming. It is the worst. No more, nothing. In between 2003-2018, one sister passed away from Amyloidosis in 2005, one sister passed from complications of MS in 2008, my mom died sudden in 2012, my father passed in 2021, and one brother passed from small cell lung cancer in 2022. I was just recently diagnosed with AMD, not showing symptoms but I am petrified even though I've had people on here tell me that treatment will help me keep my vision, I am still afraid of the future.i felt I died on June 18, 2024 when they told me. My family was once eight kids and two parents... Now I only have one sister and two brothers left. It's very sad. I feel very sad, depressed, and scared. I know my post isn't only about suicide and I apologize for that. My heart still aches from losing two family members to suicide but I've learned to come to terms with it. Eventually, that's all we can do.
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Welcome @janlgau. That is a lot of pain to hold. I can imagine that it feel like an up-hill battle. Some days must feel like pushing a boulder up a hill - coping with your loss and wanting to be a contributing grandparent to the grandkids.
Do you live close to them? Does seeing them help cope with the loss of your daughter?
Hi,
Does anyone know of a face-to-face or in-person Survivors of Suicide support group in the Rochester, MN, area? The only ones I can find on The Alliance of Hope are online. I lost my father to suicide a few years ago. Thanks
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2 ReactionsHi Jon, So sorry for your loss. I hope you find a support group. While I’m not from MN, this is a great place support, but I know the importance of in person support. My prayers & thoughts are for you & your family.
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2 ReactionsWelcome to Mayo Clinic Connect, Jon
I "googled" suicide survivors group, Rochester, MN, and came up with these results:
https://afsp.org/find-a-support-group/?zip=55901&radius=50&source=supportGroupSearchUS&type=supportGroup
I hope that one of these may be of help to you?
Ginger
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2 ReactionsThanks! The only f2f is in Red Wing. All others are online. I'm in Rochester, MN, so Red Wing is far. It's too bad, but since COVID, so many things have gone online.
@tckexpat You're right, so many meetings have gone online. While I was at first really upset to see that, I believe having an expanded audience has really helped all of us in getting a more rounded and healthy support system.
It's hard to see body language and environment when we are not face-to-face. Using Zoom or other online meeting platforms can be intimidating. For me personally, I am now able to meet up with like-minded people from all over the country in my different support groups. It has helped me a lot.
I hope you will find something that you can work with. Will you let me know?
Ginger
I’m so, so sorry for your lose. Only you know how it affected you. One thing I can say is no matter how we try no matter what we say we never truly know what’s in someone else’s head. We can ask a hundred questions but if THEY don’t want to share we can’t help them. All we can do is let them know that we’re available if needed there will be no judgement we will help them but most of all no matter what they are really, truest loved and that you care.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 ReactionI have had three people in my life commit suicide. My best friend and two cousins. I don't understand why my best friend did it, however, I think about her personality and she was such a gentle person, not forgoing, domineering type and the area in which she was studying was going to require that type of person to do anything but work for someone else. That would not be what her family would have expected. So Jean may have felt overwhelmed and not known where to look for answers - I just had a baby so I had just left the workplace for a few years. It has been 43 years. I love Jean and never will stop, if grieving is remembering, then after 43 years I am still grieving; because she is gone, not that she killed herself - I was not part of that. Perhaps -No- do this-, just remember the great things, you can not change things. If in the months or years ahead, you think of something you would have done differently use that in a new situation and smile and know you have used her pain to help someone else. My cousins, they were dying and did not want a long prolonged illness so they unbeknownst to others beforehand chose to shorten their lives. Everyone in the family has their own viewpoints mine is simply that they were feeling the pain we weren't. That is the real center of suicides- Pain.
Pain can only be felt by the one experiencing it. So to feel guilty or angry you should not. Depending on where you are right now on the emotional level try to take their death and bring it to life through the good memories because the past is in the past and anything bad back there can only help if you figure out what can be good about it - listening is always helpful.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsI can see this post is pretty old but I've had to deal with many losses in my family, including two suicides. Suicide is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life... In 2003, my 19 year old nephew committed suicide. He used a gun under his chin. His mother drown when he was 7 and his brother was 6. My brother sent them to live with their grandmother because he felt they needed a female. They eventually came back tolive with my brother when they were teens. I believe my nephews should have been in counseling etc. He had a lot issues growing up and although his death hurt me very much I was not surprised. In 2018, my younger brother hung himself. His death was such a shock, I never saw it coming. It is the worst. No note, nothing was left behind to help us understand. In between 2003-2018, one sister passed away from Amyloidosis in 2005, one sister passed from complications of MS in 2008, my mom died suddenly in 2012, my father passed in 2021, and one brother passed from small cell lung cancer in 2022. I was just recently diagnosed with AMD, not showing symptoms, but I am petrified even though I've had people on here tell me that treatment will help me retain my vision and to live a normal life, I am still afraid of the future. I felt I died on June 18, 2024 when they told me I have it. Doctors don't explain things they kinda send you our into the world to find your own answers.
My family was once eight kids and two parents... Now I only have one sister and two brothers left. It's very sad. I feel very sad, depressed, and scared. I know my post isn't only about suicide and I apologize for that. My heart still aches from losing two family members to suicide but I've learned to come to terms with it. Eventually, that's all we can do.
I can see this post is pretty old but I've had to deal many losses in my family including two suicides. Suicide is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life... In 2003, my 19 year old nephew committed suicide. He used a gun under his chin. His mother drown when he was 7 and his brother was 6. My brother sent them to live with their grandmother because he felt they needed a female. They eventually came back to my live with my brother when they were teens. I believe my nephews should have been in counseling etc. He had a lot issues growing up and although his death hurt me very much I was not surprised. In 2018 my younger brother hung himself. His death was such a shock, I never saw it coming. It is the worst. No more, nothing. In between 2003-2018, one sister passed away from Amyloidosis in 2005, one sister passed from complications of MS in 2008, my mom died sudden in 2012, my father passed in 2021, and one brother passed from small cell lung cancer in 2022. I was just recently diagnosed with AMD, not showing symptoms but I am petrified even though I've had people on here tell me that treatment will help me keep my vision, I am still afraid of the future.i felt I died on June 18, 2024 when they told me. My family was once eight kids and two parents... Now I only have one sister and two brothers left. It's very sad. I feel very sad, depressed, and scared. I know my post isn't only about suicide and I apologize for that. My heart still aches from losing two family members to suicide but I've learned to come to terms with it. Eventually, that's all we can do.