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Meet fellow Caregivers - Introduce yourself

Caregivers | Last Active: Nov 12, 2023 | Replies (707)

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@hmr52

I've been caring for my husband since a minor stroke two years ago left him weak on one side and also with the slightest of memory issues. In those two years, his physical abilities have gotten much worse and the cognition is worsening as well. he is 78, and I am 15 years younger and still working full time. He has been retired for many years, and his "job" was grocery shopping, doing the dishes, vacuuming, running errands. Since his stroke, I pretty much do everything and work full time, albeit from home. My job does have set hours and minimum daily requirements, so I can't just work when I want to. He is not at all difficult, but has no problem letting me wait on him. He does all his own ADLs, but making his own meal for breakfast/lunch takes him about twice the time it used to. He is quite content to sit in his recliner all day reading or playing on his tablet and now napping a great deal. He is dealing with back/hip pain that limits any plans we might make as we never know when it is going to be debilitating pain that requires a narcotic which then can mess with the cognition or make him sleep that much more. He also has unexplained dizzy/vertiginous spells where I don't feel he can be left alone. I myself suffer from fibromyalgia and am intolerant of any of the medications to help with it. I only really get out to buy groceries or go to the library. We do have a medic alert system for when I am away, but I'm not comfortable leaving him for any length of time. I'm retiring in December this year, and all the financial decisions, etc are left to me. We will need to move from our rented town home, and I need to decide where our next home will be. I tried having a house cleaner come in, but it was a huge disaster and expense lesson for me. He would be insulted if I had someone "sit" with him so I could get out for a few hours and relax while doing so. Family that is close in geographic location are not helping. It seems there is no end to my having to be "on," whether it is my paying job or my loving/caretaking job. I'm overwhelmed and exhausted. Thanks for listening.

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Replies to "I've been caring for my husband since a minor stroke two years ago left him weak..."

Hello @hmr52 I am Scott and I was the primary caregiver for my wife for 14 years. I am sorry to hear of your challenges with caregiving! You are correct to feel overwhelmed and exhausted! Plus the tension that is caused by the friction between caregiving demands and job demands can be crushing and impossible to meet everyone's expectations at those times.

We who gather here on the Connect Caregiving discussion group are good listeners, have broad shoulders, are nonjudgmental, and love to share what we know from our caregiving experiences. I smiled when you related your situation with a housecleaner. I experienced a similar disastrous outcome when I was just trying to get ahead of the mess! I always say caregiving is the hardest job I have ever had where I got no training and no job manual when I was 'hired'!

Be strong and all any of us can do is our best at each time. I hope you can find someone to spell you a bit.

I send peace, strength, and courage! Know you have understanding new friends here!