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Meet fellow Caregivers - Introduce yourself
Caregivers | Last Active: Nov 12, 2023 | Replies (707)Comment receiving replies
i am member of other groups here, but this seems to be the best choice for me. Scott, one of the members in your group, has invited me to join.
I am a disable vet married to another disable vet. We just moved to Colorado, in Aug. this year from Florida. I told my friends and his family that my husband could get better care from VA here. I convince him of this move, and our only grown child lives here, too. My daughter and I are not close, and she has no time or plans on helping her parents. But the real reason I push my husband for this move is me. I plan to die before him, even if he is in a wheelchair, full time. And he is 54 years and I am 66. I have been his caregiver for over 20 years, I am so burn out mentally (PTSD,too) and physically ( unable to feel my legs , but walk, and high blood pressure, due to stress. I have a painful neck and back , due to helping him off the floor, when he slips and falls, been his wound care nurse, and mental support to keep him going. He denies he needs help to other people, and prides himself to family and friends that he is not depend onone, and cares for his wife all the times(cause he drives, and I can not). My physical health is poor, and my mental health is worse. I feel so alone and just want to live in the streets, to care only about me. My husband does not touch me, only when I help him up off the floor, or care for his wounds. So how I am no a good caregiver, or wife or mom, cause nobody ever ask me what I need or want in life. I feel like workhorse , so to be not even notice when I am gone, just replace by a new wife( my husband said he would find someone, when I die, he needs help). I hope to find a friend here in this group and support.
A caregiver, looking for a caregiver.......
Replies to "i am member of other groups here, but this seems to be the best choice for..."
You two are strong, caring people. My life with my sister is easy compared to what you have/are experiencing. I admire you. It is tough and when you are going through it it seems to last "forever". I guess the best thing is one day at a time .... maybe one event at a time.
Excellent thought, @sallysue. Yes, one event at a time is a very valuable thought. For almost four months my wife was on an every two-hour medicine regime and that is how I had to look at it. If I could do one, then I could do the next, etc.
I appreciate your kind words too. I believe it is of the utmost importance for caregivers to relate what they are experiencing for the benefit of all. Far too many people do not understand it or have some false ideas, which are so often perpetrated in the media. All caregivers deserve to have the public and policy makers have a more realistic understanding of what caregiving actually entails.
Peace, strength, and courage to all caregivers!
Thank you....for just being here. As for the knees......I have both replace....10 years apart, because of lack of time, and no to care for me. My hands are now painful and my wrist.......I was told I need a shot on both my wrist......might help for a few months... but have cancel my doctors appt. three times already. Time will tell, if I can on longer. God Bless you, for your big heartfelt reply!
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Hi again, @timerdude. Good to see you found our Caregivers group and discussions here. This is a very non-judgmental place. Feel free to say your peace, speak your heart, and seek whatever we offer.
Caregiving is an arduous and often exhausting journey. It is not for the faint of heart, which you are obviously proving with your husband. I applaud you and wish you all the strength and courage you need.
Caregiving is the only job I have ever had, which came with no training, no employee manual, and vacation days built in. Know you are not alone in your struggles or your feelings. I cannot pretend to understand the demands PTSD puts on an individual or couple, but can say I have felt other of the 'symptoms' you describe. My wife had brain cancer and her mental condition was fragile and unpredictable. Being the closest and most frequent person in her life her anger, fear, frustration, etc. was always taken out on me. Be strong and know it is the disease not the person acting out. I was her fulltime caregiver daily for 14 years and am now in the worst of it, having lost her in July.
Your physical maladies are also familiar. I am now beginning a series of medical appointments to begin dealing with 14 years of what I call 'deferred maintenance' on this caregiver. It takes a toll. I blew out a knee, which I've been told needs to be replaced, carpel tunnel surgery on both hands, uncontrolled blood pressure, lower back surgery, and a few more tidbits. As I have said elsewhere 'caregiving ain't for wimps' and I for one am very proud you are staying with it for your husband.
I wish for some words of wisdom, but sadly I have nothing more than I send you all the strength, courage, peace, and fortitude I can!
Glad you are here!