Hi Linda, thank you so much for the kind words and advice. I will try that when he's done with work in a few hours (works remotely, SAYS he'll go on disability Oct 1 but we shall see). Fingers crossed!!!

As far as your sister, if she ever needs someone to talk to that has been through the rough times and got through it then please feel free to private message me. Or if you'd like to talk offline about it please feel free to contact me.

I was diagnosed bipolar when I was 19 and was in the meds "guinnea pig" stage until I was 28 and it was HARD! Beyond hard. She put it so so well when she explained it! The way I try to explain how it feels, and people have said they understand more when I say this, is that I would see everyone around me who were "normal" and I just wouldn't understand how they handled situations better than I did, how they dealt with things so well without being SO sad. Even simple things that then seemed huge to me. I didn't understand "normal" until my meds started working consistently at 28. Mania was different. I never thought or cared about what the outside world saw when i was manic - racing thoughts led to talking about ridiculous things, acting with no thought of consequences, etc. I would struggle with taking meds when I was in a manic phase because I felt great. Like I could do anything (delusions of grandeur is also a manic trait as you probably know).

Saying things happen for a reason is SO cliche yet I think the only reason I'm able to be strong for my husband is because I got through something impossible and came out of that hole, which i never thought I would. My life was happy for a little while before another impossible situation was thrown at me. I told my husband once that maybe he has cancer because he was dragged into my bad luck with life. Rationally I know that's ridiculous and actually pretty self absorbed but I feel like someone up there just wants to see how hard they can push until I break. I'm terrified of the day that I lose him and hoping it will be MUCH longer than the prognosis but that may be the breaking point. I've started therapy to start dealing with that now (I haven't been to therapy since I became stable... just meds). Has your sister ever reached the point of stability or is she still trying different meds? I'm so sorry she is going through this and I'm so sorry you are too. I know how much of an effect my emotions had on my family and it breaks my heart that I put them through it for so many years. She is so lucky to have you. And it helps more than you could ever know. There were many times I was on the verge of suicide and the only reason I didn't do it was the thought of what it would do to my family. I am alive because of their love and support. I know my husband was able to stay positive for 6 months because of the love and support of his friends and family. Hopefully he'll get through this depression and that support will motivate him to fight again. I'll let you know how the walk goes. Thank you so much again!!!

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