It is a good morning despite being woken up by the phone's ringing. A guy wanted to sell us a policy to change our health insurance. Still, I should say thank you to him because it turned out that my LO's tee, disposable pants, and side of the bed were saturated with urine. The bright spot is that the urine did not get through the second barrier topper, so I will not have to spray Pooph odor eliminator on the mattress. It is a small blessing, and I'm taking it. -- I also use a walker. Two back surgeries and two knee replacements make it difficult to stand for more than 5 or 10 minutes. It is impossible to do what it takes to make sure my husband's and my own needs are met. -- I have used every suggestion from those who have given advice above, and they all work. Lie if you must. Talk truthfully with his daughter about the reality of his needs and make her an ally (if possible). It will also make you feel less isolated, and who knows, the gods may smile, and his daughter may even contribute to her father's care. -- As soon as possible, find a doctor to help you deal with your depression. In January, depression hit me with a vengeance, and I am grateful to the doctor who helped me handle it. What I learned was that ignoring my own needs would only make a bad situation worse. -- Whatever it takes, put your foot down when his demands are unrealistic. If he goes on and on, leave the room. Put in earplugs and listen to music. It is not cruel, it is dealing with reality. -- It is hard to take care of someone when you have needs of your own that must be attended to. Make him feel like he is part of a team. This morning, for the gazillionth time, I laid out my dream rule. He must change his disposable underpants three times a day. And I actually apologized to him for not reminding him last night to change his underpants because I was too tired. When I said we shouldn't fight about something that we could solve together, he agreed. I am hopeful. I guess hope is the fuel we all use to get through our days. -- But, I think the most important takeaway from this morning's message would be that we must be an advocate for ourselves before we can be one for another. The support on this forum is solid. Take advantage of what we have to share. GloRo