@birdy48 Welcome to Mayo Connect! You state the feelings of people who have cancer so eloquently! Digesting the fact of cancer and being able to move on is a process. It's like looking in the rear view mirror all the time, isn't it? This year I had my third occurrence of a rare type of cancer, neuroendocrine tumor, also called carcinoid. Now that the surgery is over, I'm getting on with life, but still have a glance into the rear view mirror and wonder. Best wishes to you and keep in touch. If you can find some support in your locale, that would be great. The American Cancer Society often provides support groups! We look forward to hearing from you again. Best wishes, Teresa