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@sisyphus - I like your response; it provides me with some hope for the benefits of social interaction.
Believe me, I am not isolated, nor would you know from appearances anything other than that I am very comfortable in social situations, when they are not drawn out, and I feel I can leave or move on to my own space when I'm ready or need to.
But, I have found that engaging with people on a regular basis, depending of course on circumstances and duration, can bring on new problems that I otherwise wouldn't occupy my mind with. I want people to get along, I am not good with "blank-faced" or "attitude-prone" individuals. Been running into more lately, and it takes a toll, more than I care to elaborate on.
So, I wonder if you ever have this kind of downside to social interactions, especially of the kind where you've put effort into planning them, their success depends on the participation and attitude of those involved, and the inevitable (in my experience) pettiness and friction that can ensue in certain environments?
If not, I understand. But that has been my experience. And for some of us who are more tuned in to social clues, vibes and tone of voice, it can be inevitable, especially the longer the involvement in an activity, that those things or people will emerge and color what otherwise was a well-intentioned, potentially valuable experience with the potential for deeper engagement with fellow travelers.
Warmly...
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What is a Friend?
If you asked Aristotle, he is one without whom life is not worth living. You can find it in his Nicomachean Ethics.
He goes on elaborate how such relationship is superior to having one that seeks out power, wealth, etc. I believe it's the most sincere and mutually rewarding relation two people can have...even when they may have very different viewpoints or pursuits in their lives but share enough in one (or more) vital areas of mutual interest. It could be religion, politics, astronomy and even just some hobbies. What matters is Each gets out of such connection a reward that they feel energizes and inspires each in That one area at least. Entering with this clear expectation is the basis of an authentic reason to talk over phone or coffee as possible mutually. As you can see there is no basis for any false or fake people. No one is in this for Any other reason. And either of them can easily find out if the other is 'good-enough' for at least in one area of common interest.
I have more recently joined a group of retired people into lifelong learning where members present material to discuss on a topic agreed upon. So every participant is Equal learner, unlike where we listen to an expert, as in classes and public lectures. It starts in September and I've signed up for two sessions each week in-person (there's little point via zoom, tho it's offered for those with health or mobility issues.
But I have organized many through Meetup.com over the years which were essentially nature walks where focus was walk, tho friendships can happen but even in one case where it felt so, as you said, people do send vibes as to their Level of interest. Simply put I suspected the person was not As eager as I was as he often showed up a bit Late.
Other times, I'd people sign up like swarm of flies, even indicate interest in meeting, and Still not show up. This is similar to your experience, I guess, tho I wonder what is this impulse that wants them to Say they'll show up but then Don't. My analysis is people deep down are very ashamed of sending Any hint that they may have Social need. And yet, in such situations one owes Nothing to the other if one does not find enough 'common' interest level.
So why do they still chicken out? Blame it on the epidemic of loneliness as the Surgeon General, Murthy appears to think. In his words, 'we are the doctors to each other, we are the healers to one another.' I believe he's on the mark.