Well, no pain from a UTI (or a cancerous growth not yet diagnosed) that came with Urgent Care, an Emergency Room visit over the weekend. Then, a follow-up visit. Somewhere between the parking lot of the hospital and the drive home, my dear husband's pain became full-blown pain. And so the plans to finish up painting walls after the installation of a new tile floor to make things easier to clean up and a refresh of the walls not painted in 20 years has to wait. Pain is disrupting sleep, and when my dear boy sees blood in his urine, I must reassure him every time I am working on getting him proper medical care since short-term memory issues bring anxiety. -- This morning, I want to say, "Not Fair." I was just getting the hang of dealing with dementia and cancer after 10 years. It is an illusion, but an illusion can be an ally. -- The pain meds are working and the first instinct of my lovely boy is to be helpful. So he refills my cup of coffee, and I take 5 minutes to purge on this website to give a bit of hope before I try to figure out a new plan. -- We are lucky. Somehow, in a stretched medical system, we have been scheduled for an appointment with a urologist on Monday. Believe me, this is as close to a miracle as it gets. Russ, at 94, makes it difficult to convince medical providers he is not ready to give up and quietly die. As his advocate, I have learned to be gently forceful. How is that for an oxymoron? And I do a fine job, but this morning, I am feeling a bit sorry for myself. My 87-year-old bones are aching from the extra work the tiling project has brought. I am stymied by setting priorities to alleviate clutter that brings me pressure. -- Anticipation of moments like this is the reason I hired lovely Kayla. This morning I texted her that there is no game plan for Tuesday, her scheduled day. What I need is someone who has a clearer eye than my own. Dear Boy's daughter is coming for a visit on Thursday. We have to carve out a few moments of love and laughter in the midst of uncertainty. And I know without Kayla's help, it would be impossible. -- If there is any message in this post, it is flexibility, and flexibility is only possible because I have come to realize that only birds fly in a straight line to their destinations. While my dear Boy rests, I will remove at least one job from the To-do list. But, mainly, I have changed my focus to the visit instead of having things perfect for the visit. -- You give me strength, dear friends. GloRo