Is this true?

Thanks. I guess I'm somewhat of a hypocrite for saying to friends that the gay community places too much emphasis on sex when here I am doing it myself. My own observation over the years, though, has been that IN GENERAL men, gay or straight, have much more interest in sex than women and a much easier time of separating sex from love (though both together are mind-blowing).

Your suggestion about being a peer counselor is intriguing. I'm not ready mentally yet for sure but I've done that kind of thing in the past. I was a volunteer for hospice during the AIDS epidemic and would just sit and be present with guys whose families had rejected them, and until this year did some volunteer work helping young gay people whose parents kicked them out to find housing, etc. and not end up homeless or taken advantage of by sexual predators.

My core issue is I just have a hard time surrendering control. At work I'm a manager, in my volunteer work I'm always helping someone else and it feels strange to be on the receiving end asking others for help and support when I've always been the one who has GIVEN that help and support.

Thanks for listening.

First of all, I’m sorry for everything you’re going through. I’m also sorry for everything I’m going through too. Our situations are testing both of us and we’re going to find out what we’re made of. Please do not give up. Please read on.

FWIW, I’m not gay, but my son is, and I have several gay friends, including one that lost sexual function due to prostate issues. All of us who lost sexual function as a result of treatment are in the same boat and it’s not the “Love Boat”.

Not a lot of things make me sad but losing sexual function is something Ive thought about every day since my surgery this past January. For a guy who just turned 69, my wife and I enjoyed an active and loving sex life and losing that has at the times been heartbreaking for a multitude of reasons. Before surgery, my surgeon warned me that severe ED was highly likely and because I have a never give up attitude I told him “If anyone is going to beat those odds it’s going to be me.” He liked my attitude done and still does now.
I am six months past surgery and I’m meeting with a urologist in three weeks to address the issue.

I already tried a vacuum erection device. It wasn’t for me. Cialis hasn’t helped yet either. Viagra probably won’t work. I’m going to talk to the urologist about using Tri-mix injections to get erections. My surgeon and my oncologist both support the idea. Am I enthusiastic about having to inject myself in the penis to get sexual function back? Of course the answer is no but if it works, I think it’ll be worth it. Information on tri-mix here: https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/papaverine-injection-route/side-effects/drg-20065314?p=1

If the injections don’t work, I’m going to look into receiving a penile implant. I have two acquaintances that have received them, and both are satisfied with their sex lives since getting them. One man is gay, the other is straight. Here’s information on that: https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/papaverine-injection-route/side-effects/drg-20065314?p=1

Northwestern Medicine is one of the few cancer centers of excellence and has put together a program for gay and bisexual men who are dealing with prostate cancer. Here is a link to the page which also has further links. I hope this helps you in some way. https://www.nm.org/-/media/northwestern/resources/care-areas/urology/northwestern-medicine-prostate-cancer-in-gay-and-bisexual-men-brochure.pdf

Thanks for trusting us here on the form to share your feelings. You are not alone.

I am in that same "boat". I had a RP in October 2021 and have not had a natural erection since. The addition of pelvic radiation further damaged the erectile nerves so it's a done deal. I was on Lupron for one year (last 3 month injection was July 2023) but my T has yet to come back to even above castrate levels.

The prostate cancer and subsequent treatments have obliterated my previously robust and highly enjoyable sex life. I have climaturia (some urine ejaculation with orgasm) which has further complicated things. My wife is having issues dealing with it all as well.

I have used the Trimix. It took a few injections to find the right dose. It was highly effective for me; I had an erection like I was a teenager and it took 1-2 hours for it to go down. Vacuum device wasn't for me either although I still use it a couple of times a week to "keep the blood flowing".

Good luck to you. Terrible disease and the treatment side effects are just about as bad as the disease itself, unfortunately.

Thanks for taking the time to comment. It means a lot to me.

The support of our spouses is so important. I happened to mention to my wife about my comment that “we’re all in the same boat and it ain’t the love boat”. She reminded me that it also isn’t the “Titanic”! What a terrific partner I have!

I just finished seven weeks of pelvic radiation and since then there’s even less life “down there” but I’m not giving up. I too, am experiencing an extremely small amount of climaturia. The connection my wife and I have, no pun intended, is important to us and I think we’ll find a solution that works.

Thanks for sharing your experience about the TRI-MIX injections. I figured I should give it a shot, no pun intended again.

All things considered I feel fortunate that if I had to develop Stage 3 locally metastatic prostate cancer I got it at a time when there exists treatment protocols with hope of a cure or at least long-term management. I also feel fortunate for fellow Forum members like you and others who take the time to share their experiences. Connecting with fellow PCa journeymen has been helpful in eliminating the loneliness that I originally felt when I was diagnosed. We’re all members of a club that we never wanted to join, and I appreciate the commitment of people like you to make the journey for people like me an easier one.

Thanks again for your comments. God bless you. All the best for success on your journey.

Thanks for taking the time to comment. It means a lot to me.

The support of our spouses is so important. I happened to mention to my wife about my comment that “we’re all in the same boat and it ain’t the love boat”. She reminded me that it also isn’t the “Titanic”! What a terrific partner I have!

I just finished seven weeks of pelvic radiation and since then there’s even less life “down there” but I’m not giving up. I too, am experiencing an extremely small amount of climaturia. The connection my wife and I have, no pun intended, is important to us and I think we’ll find a solution that works.

Thanks for sharing your experience about the TRI-MIX injections. I figured I should give it a shot, no pun intended again.

All things considered I feel fortunate that if I had to develop Stage 3 locally metastatic prostate cancer I got it at a time when there exists treatment protocols with hope of a cure or at least long-term management. I also feel fortunate for fellow Forum members like you and others who take the time to share their experiences. Connecting with fellow PCa journeymen has been helpful in eliminating the loneliness that I originally felt when I was diagnosed. We’re all members of a club that we never wanted to join, and I appreciate the commitment of people like you to make the journey for people like me an easier one.

Thanks again for your comments. God bless you. All the best for success on your journey.

"It's not the Titanic." Those four words almost made me cry (damned Lupron emotions). I like this boat metaphor a lot. You made my day and gave me a lot to think about. Thank you.

I like not having a libido most of the time -- it was a huge distraction in the "before" times -- but it would be nice to be able to switch it on just occasionally, when it's needed, then switch it off again until next time. 🙂