Oh my gosh, @aleeab, you are in a world of hurt right now and it’s ok to whine! You have a family here in Connect. I just wish we all lived closer to be able to help each other out physically…but emotionally will have to do for how.

I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. That’s incredibly difficult to try and pick up the pieces of life after that. And now you’re worried that your CLL may be resurfacing. Severe stress can also produce similar symptoms that you’re experiencing. The important thing first will be to wait for those blood results. I know how anxiety producing that can be. So, distraction is often the best way to keep yourself from filling your mind with those dreaded, ‘what if’ scenarios…those are stressors in themselves.

If your CLL is being progressive there are treatment possibilities that don’t necessarily involve infusions. This is something you’ll need to talk over with your oncologist. Is there no local hospital near you with an infusion center?

I also understand your concern if you’re having to cope with the task of traveling to and from an infusion center on your own. I know the American Cancer Society has Roads to Recovery program where cancer patients are able to get rides. https://www.cancer.org/support-programs-and-services/road-to-recovery.html

Do you have any friends who would be able to help you out? How about members from a church or a local organization that you may belong to?

I hope you get good news with the lab results! In the meantime, if the weather is great, get outside with your 3 doggos…what breed are they?

I am so sorry you are facing CLL alone! I agree with Lori - wait for your blood work results before expecting the worst case scenario. I would also recommend checking with your oncologist’s clinic to see if they have a social worker on staff. They will be able to provide you with resources you didn’t know about.

I know what you’re going through is so very difficult. This is a story for my own life that I dread. And when I hear it, it hurts my heart. But I want you to think about living every day in the moment and be present in the moment. If you worry every day, you are using up your days. The fear is not real, it’s just what you create in your mind. Fear doesn’t really exist and is just a series of “what if’s.” I want for you to think about making friends and being in a social situation where you can be with people and meet people, because you need distractions and a sense of purpose. Join a church, or find out when they have Bingo night and go! You’ll make friends.and once you do, you schedule things to do. If your day consists of staying home, but then you know you’re going out to dinner at 6, your whole day become better because you are getting ready all day, and then you’ll shower and get dressed. It’s exciting. If you confine yourself to staying in and being in a constant state of depression and stress, this is how your immune system weakens and creates more white blood cells that can easily come from stress. Please tell me you’ll try. Thanks for listening, Paul.