How long for the dread/guilt/total disbelief to dull a tiny bit?

It has been two long tough years since I lost my husband. We were married 59 years and I definitely feel that part of me died with him. Since his death my younger son has basically kicked me out of his family. How do you deal with that on top of everything else?

Say what you wanted your loved one to hear, they hear you even if death has taken them away. They will live in your hearts forever, and would want you to go on.

Hi to anyone that may read and maybe have any advice.

My 38 year son is dying of a very rare and aggressive cancer, Thymic Carcinoma.

I’m extremely empathetic, have so many regrets which I have voiced to him, but he just wants me to forgive myself because he has.
You see, I had to put him in foster care at 9.5 years of age because I couldn’t discipline him. I had a parent aide but knowing what to do and doing it were very different.
I was raised in multiple sexual, mental and physically abusive foster families and I swore to never do that to my children. So I ended up the opposite end of the spectrum.
Now you have a tiny part of my situation. How do I do this? Any advice is very appreciated.

I’ve heard of that type of cancer, it can be very aggressive and hard to treat. As to the guilt you’re feeling, stop beating yourself up; I’m sure your precious son wants you to forgive yourself, because he’s already forgiven you. I have guilt over the fact that I let my son visit his father with his brothers in another state, and didn’t know that my 11 year old little boy was being groomed by this 24 year old woman whose child was in my ex-husband’s wife’s daycare. They even let this pedophile take my son to Tennessee, and she had relations with my son at the motel they stayed at. She gave him gifts, and even went so far as to tell him she would leave her husband and marry my son when he turned 18. I never let him visit his father again. It’s not good to hold onto guilt, and your son knows you’re a good mother, that’s why he’s forgiven you. My son and I are estranged now, but I’ll always love him, and his children and his wife, who I think of as a daughter.

To try and give a simple answer to a complicated question---
My first husband died when he was 36. We'd been married 13 years. After about 3-4 months I was able to kind of come back to usual reality and no longer feel that I was in a terrible nightmare. At about six months I felt a surge of life force and was once able to truly focus on my young daughter and work and other people without feeling I was sleepwalking. At a year I was still very sad but back in the "ordinary" world. At two years I felt I could move on/forward but still had bouts of intense grief. At 29 years--which amazes me--I think of him often, and often talk about him. I only miss him acutely at special times. I value the moments of life a lot. I don't have regrets because I always had some kind of intuition that he needed to follow his own path and I wanted his life to be enjoyable. Then when he got sick and it was obvious time was limited I was glad of this. I must admit, though, I'm still a little angry. How could this strong appealing guy just up and leave me? Irrational, I know. My heart goes out to all bereaved. What helped--grief group, therapy, religion, movies about grief, art, expression, being interested in things, trusting my emotions, and other people's care and wisdom. Regret might just be an expression of love, but we shouldn't torture ourselves.

I am so sorry to hear of your sons illness. I hear the pain and remorse you have for the past on so many levels.
What an amazing gift your son has given you in forgiveness and even spoken it to you.
I am hoping that you can step out from under the darkness of the past , in courage , and spend the last days or months with him in the joy of the love you share.
Don't let the pain of the past carry into this time and steal the tenderness of it away from you.
Push those thoughts away and focus on his needs and time with him. Grieving is hard.

I am so sorry for your loss. It's normal to feel this way in such a difficult time. Everyone grieves differently, so you should find the ways that meet your needs and help bring you comfort.
Have you considered support of a counselor or grief group?

Hello. Thank you for your kindness. I’ve tried councelling but it hurts too much to talk about. I am being strong and loving in front of him and hold my grief to when I’m alone. 🙏🏻💝

I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles. Please don't beat yourself up over giving him up. U were taking care of yourself.. in your grief over his terminal illness, please still remember to take care of yourself FIRST and him second. Be there for him when you can. I don't want to tell you how 2 feel. Please give yourself grace and continue to pray to your Higher Power!

Dear Justsara,
In response to your question…
“How long for the dread/guilt/total disbelief to dull a tiny bit?”. I say that will be December 19th.
I was in similar situation as yours and I was always asking when would I feel better even a tiny bit. People said various things from one year to never. My husband died six years ago and looking back, I remember feeling slightly better at 6 months. I know it varies from person to person but I’m just trying to answer your question best that I can..