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Hi All, There are so many phases to caregiving that I have given them names. First is the 'pants-on-fire' phase with the diagnosis that brings panic. I'm not sure those new to futures turned upside down believe calming words. Then, there is the "boob-to-medical expert" phase, where one comes to grips that there are no answers, only strategies. When one finally gets to "the burnout" phase, we must dispel the idea of being superhuman because now the caregiver needs a caregiver. I have found in the 'caregiver-needs-a-caregiver' phase, what is mainly offered to save us is home help medically focused as opposed to practical help with all those things that have been ignored. Of course, that is always individual because none of us have the same situation. Like varieties of dementia, there are varieties of needs. -- I am four months into having lovely Kayla in my life for 4-hours twice a month. Her duties are as varied as the ways dementia presents itself. I keep a running list. Things of imminent need go first, but she can pick and choose. I don't want her to suffer from burnout. I will not minimize what her physical efforts have meant to my sanity, but I have discovered that her cheerful presence and our budding friendship mean as much. -- With a clearer mind, I have found a new reserve of patience. The sharpness in my voice has softened. And, most important,
my husband is benefiting from the happy vibes I am putting out. -- Good Luck with finding a Kayla. GloRo
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@gloro - This is wonderful, helping to make something more tangible than it is, by nature.
My sister & I have just transitioned our 94-yr old mother to "Personal Care", which is not necessarily very "Personal", but so it is with the medical and care community in general, (with all due respect to those who stand out and go above and beyond).
Fortunately we have found a local provider called "Seniors Helping Seniors" and have had 2 visitors to my mother who have become welcome breaks for her for 3 - 4 hrs a day, now 6 days per week. It does add up, and we are all thankful that there are the resources to allow for this visiting.
Nothing changes the facts of aging, though, and that is hard for my mother nearly always. Again, thankfully she is of sound mind, and can get around with a walker, and that was only after (~2 yrs ago) she fell & broke her arm because she wouldn't agree to use a walker/rollator.
Well, there's more to it, but as far as caregiving goes, so far so good. When Mom was in independent living on the same property she struggled with the idea of having a visitor come in to her personal space (home), and the self-imposed pressure of coming up with things for that person to do while there.
Now, fortunately, it seems she is more comfortable with these "Senior" visitors, and with not having to keep them occupied, but having their company.
It's a hard road, and each person's travels vary, but the common denominator seems to be being able to connect to another. And I can say, at 67, that has been my lifelong search anyway: connection.
Warm, warm wishes to all on this journey.