How are stars like false teeth? They both come out at night.

What goes up but never comes down? Your age.

What musical genre do older people with arthritis listen to every time they sit down and stand up? Pop.

What's the key to a structured retirement? A rigid nap schedule.

Isn't it a great feeling knowing you're so old there's nothing left to learn the hard way?

You know you're getting older when you have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

I was told by my doctor that I should start exercising. So I joined an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, and jumped for an hour. By the time I put on my workout clothes, the class was over.