Family reaction to my brain tumor (meningioma resection) was bizarre

Posted by chicagocheese @chicagocheese, Jun 3 11:39am

I was reared with a large loving family. My meningioma was discovered by my blindness in my one eye. I had to rush to have the tumor removed. My daughter came to assist and be there and my husband was drifting there oddly aside. I did not know he was having an affair so his mind was elsewhere. My mother and sister, who were in close proximity ,offered little guidance or support. My daughter handled helping me bravely then went back to her home. My husband asked for a divorce and became violent. I was just learning to walk again and gaining enough strength after surgery. My family, who I knew my whole life to be supportive, absolutely disappeared. They don't call, no contact and never have. I finally am strong enough to go back to teaching and trying still to be positive, but what has happened to people? How can my family just eliminate me from their lives and just not care about another person especially family. I am deeply hurt and just puzzled. Is this a common reaction and response ? What do I do?

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mkoch | @mkoch | Jun 4 3:50pm

I am so sorry to hear this. I am hoping your daughter is able to still check in frequently and visit as much as living her own life allows. (meaning, perhaps she has work and/or childcare commitments) No excuse for your mom and sister to not be more involved. Scratch your husband off your list of concerns and just focus on continued healing. I'm 7 months post brain surgery to remove a meningioma and I still have to nap for a few hours in the afternoon almost everyday. Don't push yourself too hard too soon. Take off work as long as you can financially.

Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Jun 15 10:08am

@chicagocheese, like @mkoch, I'm very sorry to hear that you are dealing with divorce and lack of support from family members. Thank goodness you have the support of your daughter.

It is not uncommon for people to not get support from people closest to them both family and close friends, and then also to discover helpful friends from unexpected places.

How long ago was your surgery? How has the return to work been so far?

welshdragon54 | @welshdragon54 | Aug 2 9:40am

How dreadful that not only were you betrayed by your violent husband, disgusting behaviour at any time, let alone after serious brain surgery, but also
that your family have also abandoned you.
I absolutely feel for you.
You are a very brave woman and I applaud your strength going back to work as a teacher. It’s appalling behaviour from all of them (except your daughter),
but good to hear you aren’t letting them stop you from getting better.
Unfortunately it’s at times like these we find out who our true friends are, and sadly, it’s not always our close family members.
My ex wasn’t supportive at all when I told him about my meningiomas, he has
always been selfish, gaslighting me and assuming I’d need him even more, so his behaviours became even worse. What he didn’t expect was that I would throw him out. We weren’t married but had been together 15 years, and it’s my house. I would rather be alone and face whatever happens to me on my own.
I wish you well in your recovery and I think you are better off as the people who have hurt you are gone. It is painful but be kind to yourself, they aren’t worth your time 💞