Thank you for your reply. It is much appreciated Lori. My first back surgery was a Laminectomy done on April 19th. My second surgery was this Spinal fusion done on May 22nd. So I had 2 back surgeries within a month of one another, which has added a double-whammie to my recovery and my pain and discomfort.

Fortunately I have a room-mate, and a next door neighbor who are extremely helpful right now during my recovery. I don't know what I would do without them. I have no family members left, they have all passed on.

I would be delighted to hear from Jennifer Hunter,, and yes, I believe she might have some wonderful insights on my recovery. So, thank you for that.

Hope to hear from you again, thank you Lori.

@denman55 I've been reading your other posts, so I know that as an RN, you are looking up medical information, and you've had a lot of years of living in pain that eventually brought you to spine surgery. It's OK to feel frustrated and scared because you haven't experienced this before and you don't really understand the complexity of it all until you're there. Now with the roles reversed, you are not providing care for someone else, and I know that is hard to accept, when you need assistance from someone else. I think eventually, most people will be both a caregiver and a care receiver at different times in their lives.

Living with a stapled surgical incision must be torture, but you are on the countdown to having those staples removed and for each day, you can add a gold star on the calendar. When I had a bad ankle fracture 4 years ago, the month in the hard cast with all the sutures pulling and catching against the gauze was painful if I moved at all and I couldn't lean against one side to avoid it because there had been incisions and stitches on both sides of the ankle. That was much more painful and for a longer period of time than my cervical fusion and I could not aim my foot downward because gravity increased my pain 10 fold and swelling inside a hard cast is just torture. Living with that disability for months was challenging and mostly I laid on the couch with my foot elevated all the time, and I could hobble my way with a walker when I needed to use the bathroom. What really helped emotionally was to get outside and I had my husband drive me to a forest preserve where I could watch the river that has a boat launch, and from the parking lot, I could see the trees and birds and watch the river. Just getting out of the house helped a lot.

You sound like an avid gardener and must miss that. You might enjoy a blooming orchid plant inside to cheer you up, and they are available at grocery stores and very easy to care for and the flowers last a long time if you get one that just started blooming. I like roses too with a peach color being my favorite.

I also had PTSD about surgery, but mine was before the surgery and every day of the countdown (over a few years) to spine surgery increased my anxiety until I learned to take apart my fear and eat it one bite at a time. (I hope you are laughing now.) I learned a lot about why I had my fear from my past experiences and it was just my brain's way of trying to protect me from something that scared me. The amazing thing is that I deprogrammed my fear, and when that day came for spine surgery, I asked my surgeon to see me before hand so I could thank him for helping me. Gratitude goes a long way in preventing fear, and by that day, I was calm. I was given an opportunity to change my future, to regain the coordination in my arms so I could do what I loved which was creating paintings. The first painting after my surgery at 11 months into my recovery was a portrait of my surgeon and my gift to him. It was a goal I set for myself to be able to do that at a time when I didn't know how much coordination or strength and endurance I would get back after decompression of my spinal cord. Having that goal gave me something to work toward that helped in my recovery both physically and emotionally and it was a victory for the hard journey I had taken. https://newsnetwork.mayoclinic.org/discussion/using-the-art-of-medicine-to-overcome-fear-of-surgery/

You may want to look at this post, and the beginning of this discussion for my description of my strategy to overcome my fear, and to see my surgeon and the portrait.
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/comment/221703/
Recovery after major surgery is hard and it takes it's own sweet time. It's about 3 months for bone to begin fusing because it has to cover a lot of territory and to go boldly where there has been no bone before. Healing a set fracture is quicker because the bone pieces are touching and you don't need to grow bone into a fairly large space.

As a medical person, you've probably seen a lot of scary stuff, but that doesn't mean that it will happen to you. Doctors go through this too when an injury happens to their child and they know all of the ways that it could become worse, and doctors also reach out to their family and friends to get through it. As a patient, you have a super power with your mind. Set your mind on a path thinking about how well you are healing and visualize your future after your recovery, and ask yourself what steps can you take to advance your goal? Right now, your goal is to heal the incision and start growing bone, but start making some plans for what your next steps will be after you have completed this first goal.

You might like this discussion too.
Just Want to Talk - "How can I defeat my anxiety about medical tests and surgery?"
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/how-can-i-defeat-my-anxiety-about-medical-tests-and-surgery/
It may help to write down some of your concerns, and then think about some creative solutions or ideas to work toward your goals or just to feel better about each day. Your thoughts?

Jennifer