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Sexless Marriage (when one partner is ill)
Men's Health | Last Active: Dec 15 11:01am | Replies (196)Comment receiving replies
I was in a sexless marriage. I am still married to her and very attracted to her. I am in my early 60’s and she is late 50’s. We have been together for 30 years.
I did not want to pressure her because I was afraid she would loose respect for me.
It would make this very long if I tried to explain all the things I tried to do. I had a fling but ended it and told my wife about it. She was not angry. Her response was the right one. She shook her head and said I was “such a screw up”.
I explained what happened very well and I was not lying when I said I felt like this was my problem to take care of myself. I was afraid she would resent me If I made her do something that she did not want to do.
Also she is busy living her life and she was too tired at the end of the day.
There are some other things about her and me that I just could not list and explain without writing a book.
We lived apart a few times for a variety of reasons and when we would reunite there would be some sex but then we would fall back into our old stations.
At times I resented her but not enough to be passive aggressive or “punish” her.
The last time we were separated by over 1000 miles for a little over a year.
When we reunited I was ecstatic and had great sex again.
She said she came to realize how much she missed me and loves me.
There was something a little suspicious about it but
I just think why look a gift horse in the mouth.
I never did this myself but I wonder if it might have helped to take the edge off to have a male friend to vent to about the sexual frustration.
I think some men do not have many male friends.
I am not sure that watching pornography is a healthy substitute but I know that we are doing it anyway.
It leads to obsessing about sex.
I am sure I will get a lot of arguments for saying this but I
am going to throw it out there anyway.
What if someone in a sexless marriage masturbated with someone of the same sex.
I will let someone else make this case but I am fairly certain that it could accomplish most of the needs people are missing.
Replies to "I was in a sexless marriage. I am still married to her and very attracted to..."
Well Johnny
That was the most interesting of all the notes I read and I enjoyed your candor and vulnerability.
I have like you gone through the anger stages and settled on peace in the valley.
I think it’s so much effort these days I would rather deal with just me, that’s enough.
Life is messy I personally can’t see complicating it anymore.
Good luck I’ve turned to prayer and the Rosary. Man will always disappoint you.
Tony
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Would not recommend this. Only bad things can happen. Yes. sex is an important aspect of marriage, but not the major part to be sure. Have you gone to couseling? I would recommend a good, highly-respected Christian counselor, even if you are not a Jesus follower. He or she will not be quick to jump on the "separation/divorce bandwagon". There are many love languages. The couselor can help you identify your strengths and weaknesses. This could help to not only save your marriage, but, also, help each of you come to a better understanding of yourself.