Preparing to Age in Place

Posted by edsutton @edsutton, Apr 23 7:58am

Many of us in the Aging Well Support Group express similar concerns. We are currently doing o.k. in our homes, on our own, but recognize that disabilities may be on our horizons.
Can we be reasonably proactive about this?
What can we do to stay in our homes as long as possible?
What can we do to gracefully reach out for assistance when we need it?
What can we expect the costs will be as we try to imagine the economies of our lives as we age?
What modifications can we make now that will make life easier when we have less strength and energy?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Aging Well Support Group.

@jimhd

Does she have any family? Maybe she could start the process by deciding what she wants to give her family or friends. We're 73, and have discussed that with our two kids, at least with regard to dishes. She could make a list of everything. Has she ever done a video inventory for insurance? She might enjoy having that done.

Maybe she hasn't wanted to face the job of paring down - it can certainly be overwhelming. There can be a number of reasons someone might be putting off things like this. Lots of emotions are involved.

As her friend, you're in a good position to discover a way to inject the subject in normal conversation, without seeming pushy. She's fortunate to have a friend in you.

Jim

Jump to this post

Hi Jim, her family has already said they don't want ANYthing! Not only that but they don't even want to discuss the subject. It's a tough one, I know I remember my parents broaching the subject and me feeling very uncomfortable! I guess it will be 1-800-got-junk! or somesuch.

REPLY
@larryg333

@ksdm -- You're absolutely right about many of our kids not wanting our "old family items" for several reasons... some don't have the room in their home for them; or they don't particularly like them ("not our style"); or they don't have a strong personal attachment to them (eg., my wife and I only rarely used the OFI -- dishes -- we inherited while our kids were growing up).

BUT I like to think that, whenever we end up donating our OFI to a reputable charity, some truly appreciative family of strangers may cherish the item's unique beauty / value, and respectfully receive them as a blessing from some other unknown, but caring family, from a prior era. (Am I getting too mushy here???).

/LarryG

Jump to this post

Larry wrote "BUT I like to think that, whenever we end up donating our OFI to a reputable charity, some truly appreciative family of strangers may cherish the item's unique beauty / value, and respectfully receive them as a blessing from some other unknown, but caring family, from a prior era. (Am I getting too mushy here???)."

If the location allows, you can have a sidewalk or driveway sale.
If the intention is to rehome the stuff, it can go for any price, even for free.
It is really fun to make people happy as they haul away your problems.

REPLY

In a little book _Kinds of Minds_, Daniel Dennett commented that as we age our homes become "analog computers" for handling the needs and problems of life (and the joys, too).
Elderly persons removed from their familiar homes often show immediate cognitive loss, and if they are returned home, they usually regain the lost cognitive functions.

This is why I believe that if we want to age in place and stay capable of self care we need to proactively simplify and organize our homes to create and master our best possible "analog computer for self care."
The sooner the better.

I've mentioned my old friends who lived well on their own into their 80s and 90s: When I stayed in their home I was surprised how simple and uncluttered it was, just what was needed to live well and little more.
The memory inspires me to keep trying.

REPLY

One can sell items using local internet listing options (Neighborhood, Facebook Marketplace, either one for your specified location). Sometimes things will sell; it does mean you have to be home and go through the inconvenience of having people come look at your items and they will want to haggle. Or if you have a whole house of posessions including either a bedroom set or a living room of furniture, perhaps an estate sale can help bring some financial help; or if you don't have the major items needed to have an estate sale, perhaps your items can be added to another household so there are enough items to have an estate sale. An estate sale provider can guide you on what is needed.

REPLY
@ksdm

I have been trying to get a friend in the frame of mind to do what you all are doing (as I am too) but she doesn't budge. She is 82, has two bad knees, gets out of breath, and is overweight. She lives in a split-level house with 3-4 staircases (5-6 steps) and no bedroom or bathroom on the main floor. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to motivate her?

Jump to this post

Join Silver Sneakers, at YMCA, work out with seniors' and enjoy the Y amenities..

REPLY
@edsutton

In a little book _Kinds of Minds_, Daniel Dennett commented that as we age our homes become "analog computers" for handling the needs and problems of life (and the joys, too).
Elderly persons removed from their familiar homes often show immediate cognitive loss, and if they are returned home, they usually regain the lost cognitive functions.

This is why I believe that if we want to age in place and stay capable of self care we need to proactively simplify and organize our homes to create and master our best possible "analog computer for self care."
The sooner the better.

I've mentioned my old friends who lived well on their own into their 80s and 90s: When I stayed in their home I was surprised how simple and uncluttered it was, just what was needed to live well and little more.
The memory inspires me to keep trying.

Jump to this post

I totally agree! I am actively working on cleaning out the excess. My friend has a large house and it full of "stuff" and this is my concern for her. I gently nudge, but can't do a lot more.

REPLY
@afklasen2024

Join Silver Sneakers, at YMCA, work out with seniors' and enjoy the Y amenities..

Jump to this post

I do all of the above! My concern is my friend who has two bad knees that are going to need surgery at some point. She has a gym membership but doesn't use it. She lives in a split-level house with many "small" stairs and lots of "stuff" in every room.

REPLY

Downsizing IS extremely difficult and individualized. I’m going very slowly, bit by bit. Even after transpacific moves, I still have too many things like big portraits and art but no walls to hang them. Letting go of treasures and sweet memories attached to them was depressing for me. Taking pictures has helped bring them back to my mind. My kids want or need very little. Even their first tooth! They don’t have the room. Their lifestyles are very different than our generations. A more casual, simple social cultures and new traditions with friends and family are the norm today. I had to switch my sad way of thinking, while letting go of possessions, to feeling good knowing that someone will be happy to find and use my things. That has helped me tremendously. Recycle/repurpose, as my granddaughter always suggests. I also think my children would appreciate not having to clear out my home after I’m gone.

REPLY
@fromthehill

I am 85 and live with my son and this book sounds good...am ok for a downstairs bedroom and a downstairs shower...I have tons of stuff because as an artist I have collected stuff for projects, old paintings and stuff from my past life...I really don't want to waste my time going thru' and deciding to keep this or that and causing me unnecessary stress, cause you never know what can become part of a creation...as for my treasures from the past I like having them around as they are comforting...and bring good memories.My son can do what he likes with everything when I am no longer here. Every now and then I decide to give a piece of art work to a special person but that's all...my only rule is not to bring anything more into the house....but I am going to try and that Magusson book. No one should be forced to lose their memories because someone else thinks they should...have patience and be there to help when needed...sometimes taking photos of things might make it easier to let them go.

Jump to this post

@fromthehill - Thank you for your response. I've learned a great deal from this forum, and have followed this particular topic - and asked a few Qs! - along the way, but still struggle with "the stuff", though it's really gotten under control now that I've found a professional organizing business that so far has proven most reliable, confidential and productive - as we both work together to give things to:
- Donate (mostly Salvation Army so far, Dress for Success, but more organizations are coming to mind);
- Consignment (soooo lucky to have a store that practically takes ALL my good condition clothes, as mine tend to be distinctive, (and, I'm told, have a following!) because of the variety of colors and contemporary style I favor; and,
- Yard Sale (we'll see if this happens, as it can be soooo much work!).

And, anything not worth any of the above outlets can be recycled on one of the many sites I'm learning about (heard of "Trashie"? and many others), or, if it's really in bad shape, dispose of it.

But, again, thanks for the POV you expressed, and I find it respects your time at present, you enjoy looking at the things, and others can take it from there. Although I have no offspring, I kind of figure I'll have donated or designated all the places the "things" can go when I'm gone.

I've heard of the book, too, but tend to not find I'm interested in sitting and reading such a book when it comes to leisure time, but I like the sound of the author's approach that she takes. Will see!

REPLY
@medavis55

Downsizing IS extremely difficult and individualized. I’m going very slowly, bit by bit. Even after transpacific moves, I still have too many things like big portraits and art but no walls to hang them. Letting go of treasures and sweet memories attached to them was depressing for me. Taking pictures has helped bring them back to my mind. My kids want or need very little. Even their first tooth! They don’t have the room. Their lifestyles are very different than our generations. A more casual, simple social cultures and new traditions with friends and family are the norm today. I had to switch my sad way of thinking, while letting go of possessions, to feeling good knowing that someone will be happy to find and use my things. That has helped me tremendously. Recycle/repurpose, as my granddaughter always suggests. I also think my children would appreciate not having to clear out my home after I’m gone.

Jump to this post

Yes, for me downsizing clothing, household goods, even art & sewing supplies, even holiday decorations is not difficult. I was even able, after much thought, to curate my large collection of handmade jewelry and move some to new homes.
However it is HARD to part with our many beloved paintings, prints, photos (ours and others) from our travels and family photos & snapshots that we would need a small museum to hang them all. We have kept our favorites on display and are letting the rest go to new homes - no more hiding in closets!
I have passed on many pieces of china, glassware and pottery, leaving only my favorite pieces. Though I am still not ready to part with all of them, I will be making "still life" portraits (with a proper background) of those as well as Native Art - baskets, pottery, jewelry & our collection of fossils this summer.
So I am photographing them and adding them to our electronic photo display frame, where there is a constantly rotating display. We can enjoy them year round without taking up space.
It travels with us when we go to our tiny house in the South, and is on the living room wall here in our somewhat larger home.
When the time comes to "say goodbye" to these last bits, we will have a memento. At least the Native pieces and fossils will find homes with our kids and grandkids, as well as a few select pieces of wall art and glassware.
My last problem is our furniture. Nearly every wooden piece is classic oak, simply styled and over 90 years old - I know we will have to choose among these pieces when we down-size - I just hope it is far enough down the road that our grandsons or great nieces and nephews will be making their homes and will appreciate simple, quality pieces.
Sue

REPLY
Please sign in or register to post a reply.