@rosemary73
Welcome to Connect. I’m glad you found us but so sorry you are going through this worry. My heart goes out to you for that, but also your loss due to the death of your son. It’s hard to even wrap my head around the magnitude of your grief.
Thanks to @juniperjgin for that excellent resource on lab results. I have tucked that away to pull out for future reference.
Your PCP is being diligent. That’s a good thing. No doubt she/he is making sure that the referral to a hematologist/oncologist will have experience in working with blood cancers, but also precursor conditions that are benign. Early detection is a good thing.
Blood chemistry is a very complicated science and in my experience, general practitioners and other medical specialists know little about it. It’s a lot of highly complex knowledge to keep up with. It’s good that you’re going to see a specialist.
Anxiety is such a normal reaction when things look wrong in our test results. Every time I get lab work done if I look at my chart before I actually sit down with the physician, I get highly anxious. So I don’t. I wait until I have the appointment and then sit down and ask all my questions in the moment. I have a hematologist/oncologist who is very patient with me and takes his time to ensure that I have all the information that I need to make informed decisions about my healthcare. That’s essential. The best resource for analyzing your blood results is your specialist. Knowing what the raw data says is easy. We can all look that up. It’s the dance between the values that creates the bigger diagnostic picture.
If you can try and sit with this information and stay in the moment without thinking ahead and engaging in the “what ifs“ you will find your anxiety will be more manageable. There are some cool guided imagery and meditation YouTube videos that help a lot when I’m having trouble keeping my focus in the positive realm. Anxiety is not your friend. It will make you actually feel sick, it can raise your white count. It is probably hard for you to differentiate between anxiety and grief. It must feel overwhelming.
My thoughts are with you and I hope that you are utilizing whatever supports you have among family, friends, and the broader community through support groups and grief work. When is your appointment with your hematologist/oncologist? Will you please let me know how you were doing and the results of your appointment?