Welcome to Connect, @bevans00007 You’re in the right group for help with APL. The person who started this discussion about survivors guilt a few years ago, @apl2014, had Acute Promyeloctytic Leukemia.

@2012can, another member with APL discusses their diagnosis and experience in a couple of replies: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/comment/794602/
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https://connect.mayoclinic.org/comment/987941/
Is this a new diagnosis for you? Because of new treatment options this can be one of the more treatable forms of leukemia with a positive prognosis. Are you undergoing treatment?