How do you deal with aging?

Posted by prcrowe @prcrowe, Jan 1 10:04pm

How do you emotionally handle aging and knowing that you only have a limited number of years left in your life? I'm turning 80 years old in 5 months, am in quite good health, work fulltime, and am incredibly grateful for the life I have. But, I find myself obsessed with the thought that I only have "x" amount of years left in my life. I've never figured out how to live one day at a time. Any suggestions from those of you around my age or older would be SO appreciated! (I'm "kind of" spiritual, but not really religious so that's not something that seems to help with my fear.)

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@prcrowe

Sue, I love your response! The stories about your uncles are absolutely wonderful and remind
me of something one of my aunts once said, "Old age isn't for sissies!" I thought that was such a creative, original saying on her part until I was in an attorney's office one time and lo and behold, there was a little book titled, "Old age isn't for sissies!!" 🙂
Thank you for sharing your wonderfully positive attitude!

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I believe that Art Linklater wrote that book. It came out in the 70s or 80s. I bought it for my mother at the time.

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@janeaddams

Nodine4: I don't think you're alone in feeling the way you do ... a lot depends on our circumstances. Some "older" people have more resources, e.g. an escape hatch from wintery weather in northern climes, a life partner to share it all with, lovely kids who never forget to call(!), overall good health (for our age...), good role models, jolly genes, etc. Personally, I do feel pretty upbeat many days, and grateful for what I do have ...but it varies with the changing scene...(NYTimes daily, PBS Newshour... ugh...) so I try to keep that minimal. Therapists can only do so much to help us reframe with CBT, empathic talk therapy, "prescriptions" for exercise, (and/or antidepressants), meditation, communing with nature if possible and with other people too... but can't really change the circumstances in which we live, just help us with our attitude toward them, and lend strength while we do it. Also, since most of them are younger than most of us, they often have a rosier belief system about old age .. just wait 'til they get here! For me, it's easier to be equanimous when I can accept that sometimes moods will darken (and it's normal) ... in spite of our best efforts. I'm old too, and diagnosed with Long Covid, so some days are harder than others, but as Elaine Stritch sang "I'm Still Here!" ... until she died, of course...
Good luck to you; I find these discussions helpful and supportive and hope you do too.

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janeaddams,
What a great post! Every word resonated with me.
I am one of those therapists and about a third of my practice is Boomers. I think they appreciate having a 71 year old listening to their concerns.
Moods will darken, as you said, and that’s just part of it.
When I complain about back pain or feeling neglected by one of our kids, my husband will sing the “Circle of Life” song from The Lion King. He continues to think that this is funny.
I am not religious and will not say that I’m spiritual,
either. Years ago, at my first husband’s memorial service, the rabbi opened the eulogy by saying,”Everything that lives, dies.” This had a profound effect on me. In that moment, I felt at one with every living thing. Friends, my dog, trees, birds, fungi - everything.
This has really sustained me.

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I'm an 82 year old widow. I finished chemo for cancer 3 years ago. My oncologist says it shouln't come back. I recently hurt my hip. The pain was so bad it made me scream and I fell. I ended up in the emergency room.I'm waiting for an appointment to get a steroid injection in it; who knows when I'll get an appointment. Inspite of 3 months of pain, is improving with lots of help from me with braces and so forth.
Anyway, despite all this I'm heading off to another state to visit a boyfriend from the 8th grade. We visited a few months ago, too.
I'm happy . My best f riends are closer to 90 and they are still trucking on with good, happy lives.
You will probably live a long time.
I'm spritual, not religious.

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@raebaby

I'm an 82 year old widow. I finished chemo for cancer 3 years ago. My oncologist says it shouln't come back. I recently hurt my hip. The pain was so bad it made me scream and I fell. I ended up in the emergency room.I'm waiting for an appointment to get a steroid injection in it; who knows when I'll get an appointment. Inspite of 3 months of pain, is improving with lots of help from me with braces and so forth.
Anyway, despite all this I'm heading off to another state to visit a boyfriend from the 8th grade. We visited a few months ago, too.
I'm happy . My best f riends are closer to 90 and they are still trucking on with good, happy lives.
You will probably live a long time.
I'm spritual, not religious.

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You sound absolutely amazing! Thanks so much for sharing. 🙂 I absolutely loved reading that you have a boyfriend whom you first met in 8th grade. You're certainly living life to the fullest in spite of the challenges you've gone through which is really wonderful. Enjoy your visit to your 8th grade boyfriend's place!

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Thank you. We have kept in touch since 1955. I married my husband at 18. We were married for 58 years until he died of Parkinsons. My old boyfriend kept in touch by letter or phone once a year,some times talking to my husband and son.
The old feelings can come back after all those years and the visits are fun despite the aches and pains.

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This all sounds so wonderful! What a delight that you were able to stay in touch and now your feelings have been rekindled. This would make a great movie! 🙂

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@susanfalcon52

janeaddams,
What a great post! Every word resonated with me.
I am one of those therapists and about a third of my practice is Boomers. I think they appreciate having a 71 year old listening to their concerns.
Moods will darken, as you said, and that’s just part of it.
When I complain about back pain or feeling neglected by one of our kids, my husband will sing the “Circle of Life” song from The Lion King. He continues to think that this is funny.
I am not religious and will not say that I’m spiritual,
either. Years ago, at my first husband’s memorial service, the rabbi opened the eulogy by saying,”Everything that lives, dies.” This had a profound effect on me. In that moment, I felt at one with every living thing. Friends, my dog, trees, birds, fungi - everything.
This has really sustained me.

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Susan, thanks for that. Just catching up here... FYI, I'm a social worker/therapist too, and agree that being old (even older than you!) is helpful in working with the more mature crowd. BTW, your husband sounds like a scream; mine is more of the quietly supportive type. Lucky us!

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I am a 70ish person, and recently completed my yearly exam for cancer. I had my bladder and other organs removed 2 1/2 year ago and although limited in some of my activities, I try to live every day as gift. I share many of the same responses above, have good days and bad at times. Living life.

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Your attitude is awesome! Thanks so much for sharing. 🙂

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I am an 80-year-old female, living alone in a rural area of Montana. I am a breast cancer survivor (10+ years), and trying to remain as active as my aging body will allow. My current health is excellent (just had a complete workup) and I believe my mental health is good. I am 4 months alcohol-free. My goal is to remain independent in my own home, that I absolutely love!, until I die. In order to achieve that goal I must remain healthy, both mentally and physically. It is discussion groups such as this that help me remain mentally healthy and active. Thank you, Mayo Clinic!!

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