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Emotional aftermath following breast cancer treatment

Posted by rhongirl @rhongirl, Aug 23, 2022

While I was diagnosed in Dec. 2019, chemo, cancer surgery, and four more surgeries took place over the next 2 1/2 years (one of which was a second cancer surgery). I'm 6 weeks out from my last surgery, feeling somewhat normal physically, but wading through the emotional aftermath. "What just happened to me?" I told my husband that I've spent the past 2 1/2 years trying to stay alive - and I'm exhausted. Exaggerated emotions with up-and-down mood swings. . . I find myself yearning for that sense of emotional equilibrium I had before this all began. I'm doing my best to give myself time for this part of the healing - but I find myself weary. Family and friends look at me like I'm fine now, and the trauma has passed - but the truth is, I am not fine on the inside. It's as if my body is trying to reboot emotionally, and its short-circuiting a bit. I am so goal-oriented. . . if I just had that "magic" date of when everything would be normal again, I could focus on that; but it doesn't work that way. I have to be patient with this portion of the healing - and I'm finding that hard. What are others' experiences with this? How long does it take for your emotions to settle from the trauma of breast cancer?

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Breast Cancer Support Group.

sizer | @sizer | Feb 27 10:28am
In reply to @rhongirl "@sharon35981 Hi Sharon, Your post resonated with me. . . "I grieve for my life the..." + (show)
@rhongirl

@sharon35981 Hi Sharon, Your post resonated with me. . . "I grieve for my life the way it was before BC." I am almost 4 years cancer-free, and once-in-a-while, I still find myself aching a bit on the inside with those thoughts. . . though, it's not so much grieving, but a deep ache when I give my mind license to think on it. Sometimes, it has been helpful to give myself that time, ache for a bit, and then, move on. Other times, I have just told my heart, "Not now", and continue on. I think it's important to do both. In reality, our lives are never the same from day to day. . . we've lived the day we're presently in, and changes are happening all the time. I think having BC just brings that into view in a very real way. We are forced to see the changes, not glossing over them and moving on quickly to the next thing.

In that regard, in the not "glossing over", I've learned to be more perceptive - of emotions, of others, of myself, of my purpose, how I spend my time, and so on. It doesn't mean I never waste a day anymore (drat! that human nature still plagues us all), but I count my days differently, I think, than I did before. So, in that light, there have been good things that were born out of my BC, yet, there are still residuals. Sometimes just a good "sigh" is what's needed for those residuals (those things I can do nothing about). and helps me keep moving forward.

Before BC, we wonder if we'll ever get the disease. After BC, we wonder if it will come back. I'm trying to tell myself to live in the day, and refrain so much from thinking about the what-ifs. Doing so takes away from my today. God tells us in His Word, "So, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34). So very hard to do, but surely, a healthier way to live in body, mind, and spirit.

Life is such a balance. And BC interrupts that balance a lot. Finding a new balance, takes time. And you will get it. :). PS. Love the image you shared

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Thank you for your post. I found it inspiring.

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sandyjr | @sandyjr | Feb 28 8:26am

For me, I think it is something you just have to live with. I equate it to someone having a horrible experience and never being able to forget it. I have had BC twice and all that goes with it. Just the thought it can happen again is horrible. People who have never had breast cancer do not understand. Or people that have had any kind of cancer or even a bad disease probably would understand. I think you could call it breast cancer PTSD. It’s always there. The positive thing of all this is that you made it and you can do it again if needed. Just be thankful for the good days and good times to come.

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sue417 | @sue417 | Feb 28 9:55am

Hi
I totally relate to what you are saying and I'm only in the beginning stages of this. 2 years ago I had a fracture in my spine and my sleep had no idea I had osteopenia so was having treatments for that then had my follow-up mammogram last October where they found a thickening long story short I have my first surgery December 15th lumpectomy pathology showed some invasive cancer had my second surgery two weeks ago they had to take out some glands only one thank God but my body is just reeling from two surgeries emotionally I'm having a difficult time relating to the fact I have cancer and I also have fibromyalgia so it's like my body's been in two car accidents in 2 months. People look at you and think you're okay but they have no idea like you said of the trauma and emotional roller coaster we ride going through this. Thank you for sharing your feelings

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kayhaun | @kayhaun | Feb 29 4:46pm

Being sick or diseased or incapacitated by trauma certainly is source of what we now term PTSD. At least, we acknowledge our distress and know we have special coping to do. No pretending otherwise. But in fact, a huge percentage of us humans live with these traumas. It’s almost more normal than to be whole and well! We help each other in our own new normal. Sending hugs to all.

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rhongirl | @rhongirl | Apr 19 5:54am
In reply to @auntieoakley "We kind of are getting together for coffee, right here on connect. I kind of wander..." + (show)
@auntieoakley

We kind of are getting together for coffee, right here on connect. I kind of wander from table to table (conversations), but this feels like when I used to go to the tea parties. We all sat around sharing all the things we have in common and things we don’t, other people join our table then wander off to another table to join a different conversation. So brew a cup and get comfy, we are all here to be that girlfriend across the table.
I am 20 years from my original diagnosis and I can’t say I have ever really just moved past it, I have a “new normal” and life never just returned to the way it was.
How can we make this new life stable, for me it is gratitude, for life, for all of you, for my home, and my remaining abilities.
Please share ways that help you move forward each day, can you share your resilience tips?

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@ auntieaokley. I found myself wandering over the posts again with this topic. This is such an up-and-down business of dealing with the aftermath of breast cancer. I get to a place where I am so engaged with life, that the emotional leftovers are tucked away for the time being, yet truly not going away. I didn't notice, or perhaps it didn't sink in enough the first time I read your reply here, "I am 20 years from my original diagnosis and I can't say I have every really just moved past it. . " It's like these leftovers almost threaten to chip away at the progress we can make (emotionally) after breast cancer.

I was finding myself more easily hurt and/or irritated by things others would say (or not say), and recognizing that subtle depressed mood underneath, so I took inventory again. On the outside, I still look normal to others (I am so highly functional with life). But on the inside - things still remain a different story. Before my breast cancer diagnosis, I had had a stretch of medical challenges that had gone on for a number of years prior. A couple major accidents, one leaving me with a surgery and a lot of recovery time. . . a 6-month illness . . . and then I rolled into breast cancer, followed by endometrial cancer. Though I'm approaching my 4-year cancer-free appt, things have felt relentless for almost ten years. So, it's normal to feel so tired underneath it all! But I don't like this emotional limping I'm still doing. The limping has been noticeably affecting my physical being (disrupted sleep, lower energy, lack of regular exercise, weight gain [and isn't that a guilt and shame factor for a cancer survivor], irritability). One morning, I told myself that I needed to address this more fully.

I made the call to start seeing a psychologist for regular therapy. Though I find these sessions to be hard work (having to bring-to-the-front these pieces of emotional aftermath), the asking myself to talk about how I feel about everything has been good for me. I'm in a safe space with a professional who is genuinely trying to help me process what's leftover, and work to move through this stage of the breast cancer journey - into a life that is not just appears productive, wonderful, and fulfilling, but one that IS all that on the inside. It surely is a process of learning.

Thanks, Chris, for reminding me (and us all) that this is an ongoing thing - that we can continue to move forward in healthy ways as we live our new normal. One foot in front of the other. :).

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1 reply
Rubyslippers | @triciaot | Apr 19 7:02am
In reply to @rhongirl "@ auntieaokley. I found myself wandering over the posts again with this topic. This is such..." + (show)
@rhongirl

@ auntieaokley. I found myself wandering over the posts again with this topic. This is such an up-and-down business of dealing with the aftermath of breast cancer. I get to a place where I am so engaged with life, that the emotional leftovers are tucked away for the time being, yet truly not going away. I didn't notice, or perhaps it didn't sink in enough the first time I read your reply here, "I am 20 years from my original diagnosis and I can't say I have every really just moved past it. . " It's like these leftovers almost threaten to chip away at the progress we can make (emotionally) after breast cancer.

I was finding myself more easily hurt and/or irritated by things others would say (or not say), and recognizing that subtle depressed mood underneath, so I took inventory again. On the outside, I still look normal to others (I am so highly functional with life). But on the inside - things still remain a different story. Before my breast cancer diagnosis, I had had a stretch of medical challenges that had gone on for a number of years prior. A couple major accidents, one leaving me with a surgery and a lot of recovery time. . . a 6-month illness . . . and then I rolled into breast cancer, followed by endometrial cancer. Though I'm approaching my 4-year cancer-free appt, things have felt relentless for almost ten years. So, it's normal to feel so tired underneath it all! But I don't like this emotional limping I'm still doing. The limping has been noticeably affecting my physical being (disrupted sleep, lower energy, lack of regular exercise, weight gain [and isn't that a guilt and shame factor for a cancer survivor], irritability). One morning, I told myself that I needed to address this more fully.

I made the call to start seeing a psychologist for regular therapy. Though I find these sessions to be hard work (having to bring-to-the-front these pieces of emotional aftermath), the asking myself to talk about how I feel about everything has been good for me. I'm in a safe space with a professional who is genuinely trying to help me process what's leftover, and work to move through this stage of the breast cancer journey - into a life that is not just appears productive, wonderful, and fulfilling, but one that IS all that on the inside. It surely is a process of learning.

Thanks, Chris, for reminding me (and us all) that this is an ongoing thing - that we can continue to move forward in healthy ways as we live our new normal. One foot in front of the other. :).

Jump to this post

Thank you for speaking the difficult out loud. It is particularly appropriate for me today!

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jknows | @jknows | Apr 20 11:26am

I just completed all my treatment for triple negative bc. I have been seeing a therapist to deal with the emotional aftermath. She recommended that I find someone who does EMDR (eye movement desensitization reprocessing). It is a treatment that combines bilateral eye movement with traumatic memories and allows the brain to move the memories to the pre-frontal cortex where they are easier to process.
I have done it and I cannot believe how healing it was for me! I can think about my diagnosis and treatment now with a detachment that makes it easier!! Highly recommend! There is a website where you can find EMDR certified therapists in your area.

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jknows | @jknows | Apr 20 11:28am

Here is the website for EMDR. Go to the menu and click on “find a clinician” to find someone near you. Some of the clinicians are doing it via telehealth as well.
https://www.emdr.com/

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flowergal | @flowergal | Apr 20 9:11pm

Thankful for this group and you all sharing your experiences. This is my support group! As I don't have an in person one nearby, my hospital is 90 minutes away.
I totally relate to this post and the trauma of this disease. Did not see this coming at all. No friends with BC no idea how to move forward etc. no family except my supportive husband.
Since 2010 life has been tumultuous.
Learning to pretend to be ok is my greatest skill.
But having the freedom and support to speak freely about this experience to those who understand is so therapeutic.
Sending you all healing thoughts and yes, take it a day at a time.

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swallis | @swallis | Apr 21 10:27am

Is it strange that I feel like the double mastectomies, reconstruction and radiation were “easier” than living with the daily letrozole and monthly lupron? I felt like with surgery and recovery I was actively fighting something. Now I feel like accepting this new life of feeling tired and having bone joint pain at the young age of 50 is more difficult than the the pains of breast surgery and abdominal surgery. Anyone out there feel the same?

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