My echo isn’t until May 2. I do not understand why I need to panic for 2 weeks and wait 2 weeks, but perhaps my Dr. doesn’t think a 2 week wait is unreasonable.

My family is angry at me and always making nutrition suggestions, exercise suggestions, doctor recommendations. I know they care, but I want to just escape from this “out of control life” I am living and then make decisions in 2 weeks after my wonderful doctor tells me my next steps.

I am starting to have panic attacks, which the cardiologist witnessed and so he knows I am desperate for answers. I think I am having them because after I had septic shock a year and a half ago, I can’t get calm. I had the flu a few weeks ago, was hospitalized for 3 days and carried on like a baby- from fear and pain. But I just want my own time to take control of decisions, which is all I seem to have control of these days. My mother is looking after my son most of the time, I have missed out on 2 years of his life (6) and I was once a great mother. I can’t manage to care about anything. I am locked inside myself!
I was once a very active girl, in the fashion world, selling to stars in high end stores in LA and I could care less about fashion, no care about what’s going on in anyone else’s life. I know it’s wrong, but I am so angry that I took all the right steps and find a new problem on the horizon. My friends are healthy and I can’t manage to walk across the baseball field to sit in the bleachers to watch my son play.
I got re-married a few months ago and I can’t manage to be the proper wife to someone who married me in this condition, a very kind, strong, supportive person. I know I am doing everything wrong, but don’t seem to care.
Did anyone else want their own pity party for awhile?