I would like to follow up....My boyfriend died.
I was adivsed to tell him that I did not think I could be his caregiver. I knew that if I became his caregiver, our relationship would be doomed. His family would be on my back constantly, overseeing my activty and telling him what he should and should not do. He would be calling his daughter (who is a Dr) second guessing my every effort. He would resent me, I would resent him.
If I was not his caregiver, our relationship was doomed. It would be difficult to forgive someone who is not willing or able to care for you.
I asked the Mayo transplant social worker, what happens to people who have no one to care for them? I was told, they go to a rehab facility. However, that was not offered as an option to us.
I did not tell him that I could not care for him. There was no reason to take away any hope he may have had. Eventually, his heart was not strong enough to support him, even with the valiant efforts of the Mayo transplant, heart failure and nursing team. His care was exceptional and he touched many hearts while in the ICU. He died on his terms. Agreeing to stop efforts that were prolonging his death. not saving his life. As the drugs, ports, IV's and various equipment were slowly removed and morphine was administered, we sat together. Telling stories and getting advice from him. How blessed we all were for having him in our lives.
I am glad I did not tell him.